1. Limiting your dating choices because they need to be this tall, or that slim, or be in these lines of work, etc.
Just because someone doesn’t fit neatly into your normal “type” doesn’t mean they can’t be right for you. If your type was really working out for you, you wouldn’t be sitting at home and clicking refresh on your OkCupid matches, right? Right.
2. Pretending the reason you’re asking for their last name before the first date is for anything but Internet stalking.
It’s like masturbation; we ALL do it but no one wants to admit to it.
3. Buying a new outfit for a date.
If they can’t see your sparkling personality past your slightly-pilled sweater, then you’re probably better off without ‘em. Use the money you would have spent to pay off your credit card bill instead. Debt is never attractive.
4. Going on dates with more than two people in one week.
Let me guess: you’re probably the type that was raised to believe ‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!’ and now you have a bad case of dating FOMO because THIS PERSON COULD BE THE ONE YOU GUYS. Yep. I get it. But you’re wrong. Practice a little patience and take it one or two at a time. Your beer gut and/ or wallet will thank you.
5. Sending more than three [insert online dating service here] messages without asking the other person out on a date.
Pony up or get the hell away.
6. Re-reading texts, over-analyzing emails, and all that other over-thinking nonsense.
Just take things for face value right now, especially if it’s a newer romance. You can’t control the other person and the unfortunate truth (especially for us Type-A folks) is whatever happens, happens. But the good news is you CAN control how much anxiety you cause yourself by constantly worrying about it. Believe me, you’ll save yourself a lot of nights of getting drunk alone in your sweatpants with a bowl of cheesecake if you just relax and see where things go.
7. Purposefully waiting over an hour before you text them back to “play it cool.”
Let me tell you something: That’s not called “playing it cool.” It’s called being fucking rude. Do you know how frustrating it is to wait for AN ENTIRE HOUR before you get a response to a simple text asking how your day was? It’s un-fucking-bearable. Now we ALL know that every single of us has our smartphones connected to us like some under-developed siamese twin. No one is keeping track of how fast you respond and thinking, “Oh my gawd, this person must be soooooooo lame if they have nothing better to do than reply to my text within a reasonable timeframe.” For christsakes, just respond already! Geezus.
8. Being the last person to text every time.
I know, I KNOW. I literally just said no one is keeping track. I lied, sort of. While it’s still ridiculously uncool to wait hours to text someone back just ‘cause, it’s equally uncool if you always have to have the last word. Remember that old saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all?” Well, same rules apply here, except it’s “If you don’t have much else to say, don’t say anything at all.” If your response isn’t witty or interesting, then just let sleeping texts lie. You won’t believe how liberating it feels to see the other person was the last to respond when you’re re-reading their texts. #oops
9. Friending them on Facebook too soon.
Are you sure you want to see all of those photos of him bro-ing out with his bros or come to the realization that her mom comments on EVERY photo she posts? No? Didn’t think so. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, even in the age of information overload.
10. Thinking that nameless “friend” they’re grabbing drinks with Saturday night is just a friend.
11. Checking their online profile after you’ve gone on a few dates.
Even if you’re smart enough to create a fake profile so they don’t know you’re a shade of crazy, it’s only going to create undue stress and upsetment when you see the little “Online now!” sign next to their name. Just try to resist the urge, no matter how tempting.
12. Ditching your friends for your new love interest.
We get it: You like sex. We like sex, too. Sex is good. But your friends are the ones that are going to be there when you have a squabble, when you need help picking out their birthday present or, heaven forbid, when you break up. Besides, declining plans with your Lover Bunny in order to keep plans with your friends sets healthy boundaries from the get-go. Having your own life is sexy, honey. Don’t you forget that.
13. Stringing them along even though you don’t really see it working out because you want to “be nice…”
Let’s just set the record straight here: You’re NOT being nice. You’re being dishonest. Love is a battlefield and those of us in our late 20s and early 30s are ticking timebombs. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME TO BE “NICE!” Man up and ignore them like a respectable human being so they can move on with their life.
14. Trying to rush the relationship.
While momentum is everything when it comes to dating, cranking up the heat only means you’re more likely to crash and burn. Put your best foot forward, settle into a good pace and watch as it plays out.
15. Giving too many fucks.
If it has been a while and they aren’t putting the effort forth to move the relationship forward, they’re probably just not that into you. Oh? What’s that you say? They still text you and ask to hang out every once in a while?? DOESN’T MATTER. Know why? Because people are fucked up. You’re just something to do until someone better comes along. If that’s the case, be smart enough to walk away. Life’s too short for douche canoes who mess with your head.