I’ve recently had a talk with a man about having his needs met in his relationship. He asked like many do, “Is this person good for me, am I having my needs met being with this person?”
Being in your mid-twenties is a trying time on many occasions. Your transition has never been so apparent, and your tackling this whole notion of being an adult, or at least acting like one, all the while, dealing with relationships?
So, you put your pipes down, you begin to question whether what you’re doing is leading you in the right direction. Is this the one true person who I am destined to be with? Could this be the person who will carry me through the mud, and bear (and hope) the better parts of my DNA.
Being 25, has never been more clear cumbersome, that many of us at the drop of a hat will say ‘yes’ at the sight of that glistening bling bling. Whether it’s relationship security, maybe a past relationship left you devastated, and you felt you wouldn’t feel hurt by this guy or gal, or maybe you’re thinking marriage will change things. But, whatever your desire to be married or stay with someone is, we often ask ourselves the wrong question.
When the man asked me whether he felt ‘fulfilled‘ being with this individual, there were too many angles to simply approach this question. This isn’t a one word – yes or no type of answer. Even women ask this all the time; is he the one, are my needs being met being with this man? And I don’t blame you for asking yourself this, especially when the next step is marriage, right? You have all the right reasons to freak out last minute, just make sure it doesn’t stretch to the aisle when you’re three steps from the altar.
If you’ve ask yourself this question, more than likely, 99% of the time, you can downright answer your own question. And I guarantee you it’ll be a shit answer. Asking yourself am I happy being with this person is unjustifiable. It’s crooked, for the sake that you’re packing your very own death wish into a question like that. Sooner or later, you’ll become anxious and shoot yourself in the foot; you dwelling on it becomes you being the digger of your own relationship-grave.
We need to reassess this question and ask ourselves a different one. What can they or I do, to have my needs met. This way, you can process what it is that you need from them, and what you can provide more of.
And I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but the answer won’t be merry many of the times. Your current ‘significant’ other, won’t always be the one to provide you with whatever it is that you need. Some of those things just need to be accepted… and done about.
And on another note, I can’t emphasize this enough. Make sure you’re with someone because they deserve you. Not the other way around. Don’t settle for selfish people. Those, who will leave you for another out of mere convenience. That’s not how this works. It’s a toxic cycle, regardless of how great this person seems on the surface, be in a relationship where growth is the ultimate goal.
So the next time you’re lost in deep thought, and you’re asking yourself am I happy being with this person, transmute the question to am I growing from being with this person, does she or he provide the apparatus that will ultimately help me become a better version of myself today.