The Truth About Breaking Up, And Why It Shouldn’t Be Hard To Do

Breaking up doesn’t have to be ugly if you go about it maturely. This is from my weekly podcast, “Heart of the Matter,” which you can catch on SoundCloud and iTunes for free every Monday evening.
Twenty20 / @edric

One of the realities about dating that most of us lose sight of (or don’t think about at all in the moment) is that almost every single relationship we enter will eventually end.

Your first significant other likely will not be your last. You’re probably not going to marry the person you dated in high school. That summer fling probably won’t be the start of the rest of your lives together. At some point, a breakup becomes inevitable.

The only question is: How will it end?

I’ve never understood why people turn a breakup into some monumental occurrence that is bigger than it actually is. Sometimes it will be a mutual split between parties, or, in many cases, both wanted out and someone finally decided to rip off the bandage. If either of these describes your current relationship, there should be no reason why there has to be a crash-and-burn when the breakup conversation takes place.

A breakup is ending the romantic relationship between two people who deeply care for one another. If that wasn’t the case, there is no basis for them to even be in a relationship in the first place.

Nobody who truly cares for another would ever want to see them hurt, so it’s important to keep that in mind if you ever find yourself in the middle of that conversation.

While the reality of no longer being with your significant other may hurt, there should be nothing said during the breakup that is a personal attack intended on intentionally hurting the other. Not only should you never do that to someone you care for, you could never even conjure up the thought of saying something so vicious if you really did care for them.

Often times, people stay in a relationship well past its expiration date due to the sole fact that they do care about their partner and they don’t want to see them hurt in any way; but staying in a soured relationship ultimately does no good for either one of you.

Just as wildlife cannot survive in contaminated water, you cannot expect your relationship to grow if it’s irrigated in the same product.

When breaking up with someone, it’s also important to remember that you are talking to — above all else — a friend. I’m under the firm belief that your significant other should not only be a friend of yours, but one of your best friends.

Ending your romantic relationship does not necessarily mean you are ending your friendship. That is the choice some decide to make, and that is their personal prerogative; but there should be no reason why all communication between the two of you must cease once your Facebook relationship status changes.

It’s not my style to delete my ex-girlfriend on all social media channels, delete all evidence of our relationship together, or even go so far as to block her without there being a justifiable reason for doing any of the aforementioned. Changing your profile picture if it featured the two of you is one thing, but pretending as if they never existed is — in my opinion — petty and disrespectful.

I’ve always believed that exes could coexist as friends or, at the bare minimum, acquaintances. Unless they give you a reason to longer be their friend, your friendship shouldn’t end just because your relationship did.

One of the last things I told my ex-girlfriend when we split was that I’m always still a phone call or a short drive away from whatever she needed. The fact that some would frown upon that or deem saying something to that effect as anything but acceptable behavior is utterly befuddling to me.

Breakups suck, and there’s no real way of sugarcoating that; but they don’t have to come to an ugly end if you both handle the situation maturely. TC mark

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