I Hope The Thought Of Loving Me Scares You


Forget a tour, I would love just a part-time visitor’s pass into your mind. An hour, a half-hour, hell, even five minutes would be more than enough to suffice. I just want a glimpse inside so that I can see what makes you tick and what it does to you.

I can’t put my finger on you, which I suppose is part of your allure. There isn’t much I can speak to with certainty when it comes to you, but I know that when you hear my name or see my face, I hope it scares you.

Whether it’s as subtle as the twitch of an eyebrow, or as tangible as a bone-tickling chill creeping up your spine, I hope there’s something inside of you that frightens you a bit.

I hope that I scared you because that would mean you see potential and you’re simply holding yourself back, for whatever reason. With your fear comes my hope that one day you’ll push the fear aside, ignore its existence, or barrel through it to see if the reality will emulate the possibility you see and feel in your heart.

I want there to be fear inside of you because the only possible explanation for it would be that you’re afraid to have your heart broken again, and by that measure, it would mean that you’ve envisioned us together at some point, in some capacity.

The only thing I want to have in common with the one before me is that you’ll let us both in. The difference between us is that I won’t be the one shattering your heart into a thousand shards of glass and then leaving you behind to pick up the pieces.

Your fear will bring hesitation, which in turn will provide answers and insight. It will explain why you won’t walk towards the ledge, let alone take the leap of faith.

I hope that I scared you because it means I won’t be alone in feeling that way.

You petrify me. You shake me to the core. You cause a storm of emotions inside of me that I almost can’t weather.

The first sight of you was the jolt of lightening that should’ve warned me to hunker down, stay away, or at the very least brace myself for what was coming.

I hope that I scared you because it would selfishly give me peace of mind in knowing that whatever it is you do to me is not in vain. Your fears are understandable, and justifiable; mine make no sense whatsoever, and that’s what scares the hell out me.

The brighter days will eventually come for both of us, and our fears will one day subside. You can calm my storm if you wanted to and I can repair your broken heart if you let me; the choice is ultimately up to you, and I know there’s nothing I can do about that.

It’s okay if you’re scared, and I won’t apologize if I’m the one who scared you. I hope that I scared you for all of these reasons, and countless more. You spooked me before we ever said hello to one another, so why not conquer our fears together?Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

Tune into his podcast, “Heart Of The Matter” here.

Keep up with Mike on Instagram, Twitter and mikezacchio.com

More From Thought Catalog