Why You Should Run When They Say ‘You Deserve Better’

Redd Angelo
Redd Angelo

It can be phrased in a number of ways — “You deserve better,” “You’re too good for me,” “I’m not good enough for you,” — but the main takeaway is that if you hear any variation of this, you should be ready to turn a shoulder and walk away.

Whatever the reasoning is behind their claim, it speaks volumes about who they are as a person.

They could be saying it because they want an out of the relationship, but want to try and cushion the blow as much as possible. In reality, they’re nothing more than a coward who cannot be upfront with you about their feelings.

If someone can’t be open and honest with you, especially in a relationship, then you really have no business being in said relationship.

They could be saying it because they genuinely don’t feel good enough for you.

If that’s the case, then they lack the self-confidence and desire to try and change that. Whether or not you are too good for someone, why would you want to be with them if they’re not willing to change themselves for the better?

Sometimes, you actually are too good for them. You’re the figurative “settler” to their “reacher” in the dynamic of your relationship, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

You have a better education, a better job, and just a more stable life, overall, but there are more important things in life than the degrees on your wall and the amount of money in your bank account.

Those attributes may help you further a career, but they’re essentially meaningless when it comes to love.

Having an education doesn’t necessarily mean you can hold a meaningful conversation with someone else, and making a six-figure salary doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a decent human being.

Whatever the reasoning is behind their claim, they’re trying to tell you that they don’t want to be with you; and you shouldn’t hesitate to let them go.

You should strive for someone who deserves better. You should want to be with someone who is worthy of a partner willing to be the best possible version of themselves at all times, not just in the relationship.

You should want to end up with someone of high value. If you can’t handle that, and if you’re unwilling to change it, then you’re absolutely right in that they deserve better.

I’ve never judged a girl based on her job, her age, her religious beliefs are, her background, or anything like that. I look at how she treats me, and how we interact.

That’s what I put stock in.

I’ve gone on dates with beautiful — gorgeous (in my opinion) — women who had absolutely no substance to them. If you walked by us in public or saw a picture of us, you’d think I hit the jackpot. But beauty, as they say, is only skin deep.

I’ve also had some of the best times with women that others wouldn’t give the time of day to.

It’s a personal goal of mine in life to constantly be improving myself, in every capacity; so by that measure, my significant other should deserve better. They deserve someone who isn’t complacent with the way things are or who takes things — especially her — for granted.

The difference between thinking (or even acknowledging) someone deserves better and using it as an excuse is all in the effort you’re willing to put forth in changing it.

The most successful relationships I’ve seen are the ones where outsiders constantly debate about who the settler is, while both parties in the actual relationship feel like they’re the reacher… and they never stop reaching.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Mike Zacchio

Mike is a New York-based writer and admitted hopeless romantic. If Ted Mosby and Carrie Bradshaw had a son, it would be him. When he’s not writing about love, dating, and relationships, he’s working his actual job as a sports reporter and columnist.

Tune into his podcast, “Heart Of The Matter” here.

More From Thought Catalog