“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
That’s a quote from the only episode of Louis that I’ve ever seen, and it’s phenomenal. It’s also part of the inspiration for this article.
We’ve all gone through an emotional strife at some point, be it a world-shattering breakup or realization that the person you pine for doesn’t want you back. And sure enough, at some point you’ll hear, “Suck it up,” “Move on already,” or my favorite, “Get over it”.
The thing with emotions is that they are unpredictable and uncontainable. You don’t control how you feel towards someone, and that’s exactly why nobody will ever truly understand how or why you feel the way you do.
Feelings and emotions just happen.
People think that moving past someone or having your feelings change is akin to saying, “I want to get in better shape, so I’m going to start working out.” People think that if you stop thinking about the other person, date other people, don’t talk about that person in public, and overall just try to ignore their existence that it will change everything.
It doesn’t work like that.
If you want to get in better shape and you start working out, you’re going to get in better shape; that’s just how it works. The more you run and lift, the more you will build up your endurance and strength in both.
Emotions don’t work like that.
You can’t actively stop your brain from thinking about someone. You can’t help it when you hear a song and it reminds you of them, or when you see something they like and your brain reroutes to thinking about them.
You can see other people, but you can’t help it if you go out and can’t look at your date the same way you see the other person. Your body may be present, but your heart and mind are often miles away.
No matter how many dates you go on, you’ll never fully be in the moment until you fully move on. And there is no timetable for that date. Some people heal in days, others in weeks, others in months, and some never fully recover.
The bottom line is that no matter what you tell someone, you will never change how they feel about someone else; and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Telling someone to, “Get over it,” is an insensitive (and ignorant) way of dismissing their feelings. So I’ll take that Louis quote I love so much, alter it, and leave you with this:
When a person tells you that they’re hurting, you don’t get to decide that they’re not.