I’m sure ladies face this dilemma more than men, and I can obviously only speak for my own experiences, but at some point you’re going to be asked out on a date (brace yourselves!). The person will fall into a number of pre-made categories you’ve subconsciously created but never knew existed until this minute:
The Hell Yes: Without flinching, you agree and make plans.
The Hell No: Without flinching, you decline and go about your business.
The Call Me Maybe: You’re not entirely sure what you want to do. To bide some time, you give some variation of a, “Let me check my schedule,” response. More than likely, that is your nice way of shooing them off in the moment and never intending to give a response. Sometimes you think they may be worth the night out, so you legitimately want to check your schedule.
The Sucker: You agree to go out, exchange numbers, make plans and then it never happens. Either you have some “other plans” come up last minute, or you just leave them high-and-dry. Maybe you just didn’t have the heart to tell them no; maybe something really did come up; maybe you really did forget; whatever the reason, you’ve made them a sucker.
I’ve been all four in some capacity and I have no doubts that I will be all four again in some capacity in the future. I’ve come to accept rejection better as the years pass, but I can’t accept being a sucker.
Above all, I can’t accept being stood up.
Standing someone up is the ultimate sign of disrespect. It’s selfish and egotistical. Not only are you putting your pleasures (no pun intended) before someone else’s feelings, but you’re also showing zero consideration for their time.
There’s nothing wrong with having a change of heart.
I’ve had a girl I liked kiss me, then tell me she shouldn’t have done it a couple of days later. While it sucked, a part of me respected her honesty. Barring an emergency, I can’t see myself forgiving someone standing me up (or anyone else). I think it’s telling about what kind of person they are.
This other person took the time out of their lives to devote a night to you. Maybe they bought a new dress or outfit, or maybe they spent time making sure their hair/makeup/eyebrows/nails/etc. were on fleek.
They organized this part of this day around seeing you and you couldn’t find the common courtesy in you to back out of the plans. I’d say it’s a slap in the face, but they never showed to delivering it would require actually showing up.
If a girl agrees to grab a drink or catch a movie with me one night, then bails, and then I see her out that night, I’m not going to be mad. I’ll probably smirk and shake my head, but I wouldn’t be mad.
Whatever reason she gave me for not being able to go, it doesn’t overshadow the major fact that she didn’t want to go out with me. I can’t be mad at her for that. So, if she’s out for a girls’ night or if she’s chatting it up with some guy at a bar, I can’t be mad at her for that. I’ll probably judge her, but I wouldn’t be mad at her.
However, if you agree to meet me somewhere at a specific time and you never show up, there’s no forgiving that (again, barring an actual emergency).
I don’t know if it’s because our particular generation is more selfish and self-centered than generations’ past, but I’d love to know when (and why) parents stopped teaching their children to be decent people who treat others with courtesy, or when (and why) those children deemed those qualities to be obsolete.