Most young ladies are brought up not to be promiscuous, or even “easy” with someone they are with. They are told that men will never commit to a girl who is rather carefree, sexually, because of the age-old expression: “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
I get it. As a parent, you’re looking out for your daughter. Aside from the fact that you don’t want her reputation tarnished, you want her to be safe. But to me, a 20-something male, the expression comes off like it shames girls who are more sexually open, and worse, teaches girls that sex can be used as a weapon, which I unequivocally believe should never be done — by a male or female.
Through years of dating, I’ve come across an eclectic bunch of young women — tall, short, bigger, thinner, blonde, brunette, ones who were open about sex, and ones who were more reserved about it.
Let me state for the record that I have absolutely no objections against a woman being sexually-reserved; there is nothing wrong with being “prude,” celibate, or abstinent. The issue I have here is when a girl believes that by holding out on sex, it will keep the guy around. It’s horrible logic, and one that is completely false.
The truth is, if a guy wants to commit to, or stay with, a girl, he knows it; and he wants to do so because of who she is as a person, not just because of what happens in the bedroom (or wherever you like to scratch your itch). There’s more there; she has that inexplicable it-factor that separates her from the herd (and no, I wasn’t going for a cow reference there).
If he is only looking for something that involves casual sex, he’s not buying anything, and not even Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross is going to close that deal. For metaphorical purposes, the cost of milk is meaningless. If he likes the cow, he’ll buy the cow; plain and simple.
No healthy, long-lasting relationship is built around sex. Not one. Sex is one small piece of the pie chart that is your relationship with another. The sex could be great, or often, or both, but if other, bigger slices aren’t there, your relationship will never survive.
Just as they say that women will determine in a matter of minutes whether or not they want to sleep with you, men often determine within a matter of hours whether or not they would want to date you, and if you’re on the date, most of the time he’ll know if he wants it to continue into something more serious by the end of it.
Most of us men know what we want and we know what we’re looking for. Have you ever seen a man grocery shopping, or shopping anywhere? He’s on a mission. We go in with a list (whether it’s written down or just in our heads), we get what we need, check out, and leave. We don’t stroll around looking like, “Hmm, do I need this?” and turn what could’ve been a 15-minute trip into an hour-long excursion.
Now, while this “get in, get out” example may seem like it’s arguing against my point, what I’m trying to say is, we know what we want. I’ve never dated a girl, slept with her, then thought, “Oh yes, she’s the one for me!” nor have I ever slept with a girl randomly and thought, “Hmm, this could be something.”
One of my exes wouldn’t so much as kiss me unless we were committed to one another, and I did. I didn’t do it because I wanted the kiss, or anything more; I did it because I wanted to be with her and I wanted to see what it could be. I’ve also been with a girl with whom I wasn’t in a relationship with, but would be if circumstances allowed it.
Both girls — although very unique individuals in their own right — have that it-factor; that thing that makes a guy go, “I can’t wait to see her again.” The thing that makes a guy want to invest his time and care in her.
Whether sex is involved or not, a guy is going to know how he feels. If he is a man about his feelings, he’ll tell you where he is at early on, good or bad. If he wants to be with you and hasn’t said so yet, he’s probably feeling you out (no pun intended) to see if you would be interested. If he doesn’t want to be with you and he’s just stringing you along, knowing you want more, then he’s a boy, not a man.
Regardless of which guy he may be or how he may feel, the truth is — and the odds are — that he made up his mind about you a long time ago, and the cost of milk had nothing to do with it.