When it comes to knowing what women want, most men are utterly clueless. Some think that they need a massive bank account, a six-figure car, a six-pack of abs, or, as countless Tinder profiles claim, to be at least 6-feet tall.
I reached out to some female acquaintances — friends, family, etc. — and asked them what is the one physical and non-physical trait in a man that they found most attractive. It seems like most women like a guy with a nice smile (not necessarily good looks) and kind eyes, along with a sense of humor.
Here are what the women, who vary in age from 18 to 54 (the bulk are in their mid-20s; you can try to figure out whom is whom), had to say:
Physical: Smile, but more specifically, the eyes. I feel like you could look into someone else’s eyes and know how they really feel and/or just get lost in them.
Non-physical: Ambition. If you are planning a future, you need to know that they have plans for their own life because if they have no ambition, they will just float through life and I don’t want that.
Physical: I’ll start off with a cliché here by saying “eyes are the window to the soul.” This cheesy line couldn’t be truer. Although it’s a physical component of a person, eyes are much more to me. When I meet someone, I’m most drawn to their eyes because eyes give you the most insight into the person without having to speak to them. You can tell a lot of things by reading people’s eyes. You can see through the words of a person this way and read their intentions as well as their real emotions. On a more shallow level, I want the person I’m dating to have ‘attractive’ eyes because I plan on spending a lot of time looking into them.
Non-physical: Intelligence. OK, so I may sound like a dick on this one, but ever since I’ve regained my own self esteem and confidence, I’ve realized that I was dating people way below my level of intelligence. For this reason, I found myself unable to respect things they believed in or said because they didn’t know enough to explain things in a way that made sense. My current boyfriend is incredibly intelligent. I feel like we connect on a much deeper level because of it and can have much more meaningful conversations. We push each other to get those 4.0’s every semester, and have a lot of friendly competition with it. Dating someone on a different level of intelligence often has caused a lot of friction with me — becoming condescending and arrogant toward them, but at least I can admit it. I like to date people with qualities that I respect and admire.
Physical: A smile, because if it’s genuine, you can see it in their eyes.
Non-physical: Sense of humor. If you can make me can laugh that’s half the battle.
Physical: I’m attracted to a guy’s smile because it shows their personality; just like their sense of humor does. A smile brightens up your face; it makes people want to be around you when you’re constantly smiling. Happiness is contagious, so when someone is always smiling it rubs off on you.
Non-physical: A sense of humor is attractive because it shows that you don’t take yourself so seriously. Life is tough, but should be so much fun, and when you can crack jokes and laugh it makes the difficult times easier and the good times better. I’m a sarcastic person, so the witty banter and humor makes a relationship fun and playful, making you want to be around that person.
Physical: I love guys’ butts. No matter what, a guy’s butt always looks good; I can’t figure out how they do it. I don’t know why, exactly, and it’s not like I’m obsessed with them and like to grab them often or anything; but if a guy is walking away from me, dressed, naked or whatever, I always look at his butt like, “Well, hello.”
Non-physical: I’m really attracted to funny guys. I’m a person that likes to think she’s quite funny, so I like someone who can make me laugh and/or laugh with me, sometimes at me because, let’s face it, I’m clumsy and sometimes I have huge “blonde” moments.
Physical: I’m a very visual person, and arms that are well-defined (not overly muscled!), just turn me on. I think it’s a throwback to caveman days — a good, strong arm will pull me up out of a hole (literally and metaphorically).
Non-physical: Sense of humor because, well, I have one. I like to laugh at everything, and at myself, often. To me, if a man cannot laugh at himself, then maybe he takes himself too seriously. Maybe he won’t get my sense of humor; maybe he’s too uptight. Life is funny, and I think you need to laugh at it to really enjoy life, and I want somebody that will enjoy it with me.
Notes: I can do without the former as long as I have the latter.
Non-physical: Loyalty, because guys think that if they have a fight with their girlfriend, it’s OK to cheat ok them when the girl wants to work it out and talk about it.
Physical: A smile you can tell a lot from. Like, guys who just want to sleep with you have almost a Grinch-like smile; if a guy’s smile makes you feel comfortable, it’s very attractive.
Non-physical: Work ethic is definitely most important. I work extremely hard, and if my partner doesn’t do that for himself, there’s no way it’ll work out. I’ve dated guys who were spoiled brats with no motivation and it just doesn’t work. I need someone on my level that understands what it’s like to work a full day and be tired; and with that, comes the value of money.
Physical: A smile is one of the first things I notice on a guy. It’s the first thing that draws me in and makes me want to know more. It doesn’t have to be a perfect “Hollywood” smile; I find the full-of-life, charming smiles to be the most attractive..
Non-physical: With compassion comes a sense of selflessness and understanding; it means that person is capable of caring about others and being concerned for others. Bottom line, it means that person has a good heart, and nothing is more important than that. Also, I will lose all physical attraction to someone if they lack compassion, regardless of how attractive they might be.
Physical: I think that when a guy has a great smile, it’s attractive because it portrays that he’s friendly and genuine, and I would be more attracted to a guy who is smiling than someone who isn’t.
Non-physical: I think it’s attractive when a guy goes out of his way to make you happy because it shows that he is always thinking of you and your happiness.