What, did you think that I was going to have the cajones to post ‘8 Things Girls Need To Stop Doing To Guys’ and not write one for the ladies? Unlike the other article, in which I tried to point out things girls do (that they may or not be aware of) and should stop, these are things that I know guys do all of the time and really, really need to stop doing.
I even reached out to some of my female friends to get their opinions, as well.
Particularly about your motives. Look, if you don’t want anything serious, just tell her that. If she’s a decent human being, she’ll at least respect you for being honest. If you lie to her — saying you want something more, when you don’t — just to get her in bed, you’re a liar, you’re a conniver, and you give the rest of us guys a bad name. So please, stop.
2. Getting numbers with no intention of calling.
I’m still trying to understand what is accomplished by getting the number of a girl you have no intention of calling. I mean, if you sleep with her that night — which, I’m assuming was your goal — getting the number may just be a way of not looking like a total douchebag; but, if you’re at a bar and it’s apparent that you won’t be going home with her and you don’t plan on talking to her afterwards, why get the number?
I’ve had friends see me talking to a girl at a bar in casual conversation and they would ask mid-conversation or afterwards, “Did you get her number?” If I planned on seeing her again, I at least asked. If I didn’t, I didn’t ask.
3. The “sneak attack” grind at a bar or club.
Honestly, one of the funniest things I witness on a night out is when a guy walks up on a group of girls dancing and just decides to start moving his junk against a girl’s behind without any kind of head’s up.
While for me, the male spectator, it’s hilarious (since he is usually turned down, in some humiliating degree), for a woman, it has to be awful. You wouldn’t do that to someone on the street, so why do you think that it’s suddenly OK now that the lights are turned down a little bit?
4. Sending an unsolicited d-ck pic.
An unsolicited d-ck pic is worse than bad sex. When you have bad sex, at least both parties are interested (beforehand, at least). When you have bad sex, at least you’re still having sex. What satisfaction do you — the guy — get from sending an unsolicited d-ck pic, anyway?
Those kind of pictures should rarely be sent, in general, but should never be sent without an invitation. Assuming that she is disgusted by what she just saw (which, if it was an unsolicited pic, she likely will be), what makes you think that your special message isn’t being talked about — or sent — to all of her friends? Think before you send.
5. Using the term “crazy” so loosely.
I already gave you the forewarning about this one in the last article. Guys, you hate it when a girl accuses you of being a creep, even though you’re not, so stop doing the same to women when you call them “crazy” for no reason.
Her wanting to talk to you a lot is not crazy; her wanting to see you a lot is not crazy; her doing something nice for you is not crazy; unless she is doing something that seriously makes you question her sanity, avoid dropping the c-bomb.
6. Asking, “Why do you always go for jerks?”
As one friend put it, “A nice guy never asks why girls don’t go for nice guys; Self-serving guys ask that. … It’s really annoying. From a girl’s perspective it’s like, ‘Why the hell are you asking me that? Clearly I’m giving you my attention right now, isn’t that good enough? … Also, it’s like guys are trying to make you explain every bad relationship you’ve ever had by forcing you to call your ex a jerk.”
While I agree with her overall logic, the one part I disagreed with was, “Guys are like, ‘I’m just asking to learn,’ like it’s purely academic; like, cute, but no; you want to make sure my ex is awful.” If it’s a girl that I’m trying to date, I would never ask this question because: (1) I really don’t care about your exes; (2) As she said, the girl is with me now, not him; that’s enough. However, if it is a female friend of mine, I have no problems asking because it really is academic. If I see someone has a history of dating awful guys and then wonders why she can’t find a nice one, I’ll bring it up.
7. Making empty promises
Another one from a (different) friend, this one is like an extrapolated version of not calling. If you’re out at a bar or club, get a number and don’t call, it’s a pretty crummy move, but you’re not affecting the girl that much. Sure, she’ll probably be disappointed, but she’ll also probably quickly get over it.
However, if you’re dating or in a relationship with someone, you should be keeping your word. This applies to life, not just dating — if you say you’re going to do something, do it. I know this may sound fairytale-ish, but we have one life to live, and to waste weeks, months, sometimes years of someone’s life (including your own) is just wrong.
If you can’t deliver on something, don’t say it. If you don’t want something, don’t tell her it is something you want. Again, we’re adults, we should be able to have open conversations about what we both want out of this thing.
8. Having unrealistic physical expectations
Before I get into this, if your first reaction is, “Looks don’t matter,” you’re wrong. Nobody wants to be with someone they aren’t attracted to. Now, that can mean different things for different people, but there has to be some level of physical attraction there.
Back to the point, as one friend mentioned, “Some men see these celebrities and expect to find a female that fits that image of ‘perfection’ that Hollywood shoves in our faces each and every day.” While I like to think that most guys are already aware of this, I’m going to shatter the worlds of the guys living under a rock… “photoshop.”
Ninety-nine percent of celebrities you see are photoshopped in some way to make them look as close to flawless as possible (don’t even get me started on Kim Kardashian), and the women (and men) who are seemingly physically perfect, are the extremely rare population, as in, they don’t exist in everyday life.
Everyday people have scars, acne, stretch marks, cellulite, saggy breasts, and don’t weigh 100 pounds, so if you think that you’re above it, good luck finding a Victoria’s Secret supermodel.
9. Pushing the envelope
I’m crediting this one to commenter Kelly in my previous article. She explained that she tried letting a guy know that she wasn’t interested, but that he kept making sexual advances at her. I called out the girls in my previous article to stop giving guys the runaround and to just be straight with them, so when they are, guys should respect that.
If a girl is giving the runaround, you can’t completely blame the guy for being persistent. However, if she’s made it clear that she’s not interested, he should back off. Any time you hear the words, “I’m just not into you like that,” “I think we’re better off as friends,” or the Holy grail, “No, thank you,” to your date request, she’s not interested. That’s not an invitation to keep making moves on her.