I have a confession to make. I liked the Spice Girls when I was younger; I really liked them. I didn’t know a guy my age that didn’t have a crush on Baby Spice or Posh Spice (by the way, good work, Becks). Hell, I still listen to the Spice Girls now if they come on the ‘ole shuffle, and I’m 25. I went to see ‘Spice World’ when I was a kid, willingly; something my mother apparently has not forgotten. After listening to ‘Wannabe’ in my older age, I jotted down three questions I would love answers to if I ever come face-to-face with the Girls:
1. (Ryan Gosling voice) What do you want?
“Yo! I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.”
Finally! A woman is going to be straightforward and just tell us idiotic men what it is she wants so that we can take off our decoder rings and throw out our crystal balls. So what do you want?
“I want to really, really, really want to zigazig, ah.”
“’Zigazig, ah,’ huh?” OK, I’ll get right on that.
2. What do Ginger Spice and Sporty Spice like it on?!
We know that Em likes it in our face and that V doesn’t come for free (because she’s a real lady). Scary Spice at least tells us that “we’ll see” what she likes, but what about Ginger Spice and Sporty Spice? We know they like it the same way, and on something, but what? A bed? A car? A washing machine? A counter? The floor?
Will the world never know the answer to this Earth-shattering riddle?
Add this to life mysteries: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Who shot Biggie and Tupac? What do Ginger Spice and Sporty Spice like it on?
3. Why so many rules?
To recap, if a guy wants to be your lover, he has to: forget your past, make (his move) fast, don’t waste your “precious” time, get his act together, get with your friends, give, not bug you, slam his body down, and of course, wind it all around.
What if he’s unemployed? All in all, you make some valid points, ladies.