The “no” within me rumbles in a roar, deep in my gut and swirling around in my mind more often than not. Instead of opening up to the sunshine and the horizon, I am focused on the blinding single spot in the sky that blocks me from seeing the entire vista.
And the “yes” lays dormant, peaking around my vision and playing into the glowing purple and blue orbs that appear when I close my eyes, shocked by the brightness of the all-consuming “no”. Stuck in my theories, thinking that what I’m thinking is the way that it is—what about all of the other perspectives? The world is not black and white; in fact, it is a wide spectrum of colors that illuminate our vision for more playfulness.
The thoughts of “no” and all the reasons, all of the excuses, continue to percolate in my brain. All of the reasons why something cannot be so, why I should be stuck in the gray, why I shouldn’t be enjoying life and instead should be putting in extra work. The “no” is my trap, the giant cage that occupies my being and restricts me from thinking that I have wings to fly. I get stuck in the clouded vision of my own mind, the reasons weighing me down much more than I consciously allowed. I begin to doubt my strength, how much I am able to stretch my feathers and the iridescent glow they take on when reflecting the sunlight’s rainbow waves.
Finally a giant exhale pushes the negativity aside to find the space for “yes” to enter. Finding that key, unlocking the rusted iron door, and moving through the heavy fog that evaporates in the clear blue, I turn my eyes away from the single point of focus to draw in the rest of the open dome above me. I release my wings, shaking away the loose feathers and stickiness from my back. Stretching out into the free space that I’ve created and seeing the potential, blues from the sky fold with laced fingers into the ocean below.
The cliffs behind me shaded, wet from the ocean’s evening caresses, the cuts of the rock smoothed by the continual ebb and flow. The lapping waves love in an opening, unrelenting courage to come back and feel itself exactly as it is. There are days of clear gentleness and others of stormy uncertainties. Against the rocks, sloping downwards into the seas of smoothed rocks and green algae, living and waiting for more of the ocean’s salty breath to fill its dryness with freshness.
Sand beneath my feet, soft and golden in the afternoon sunlight, slightly wet, the sheets from last night’s oceanic romp. Casted shadows from the cliffs behind, the tides rolling in with a melodic whisper, I allow the warmth to fill me and the breezes to whisk away anything left between my feathers.
And then my heart speaks in openings of lightness. It begins to glow as the fire within sparks. The ocean’s vastness calls to me. The “yes” of my soul dances to the music of the outstretched blues of sea and sky. And as it continues to energetically burn within me, the voice takes its space and opens me up through me. The call within me to share my song with the waves. The gentle rocking of the tides lapping coolly at my feet and the opening of the heart inspires me to begin taking to the air.
The ocean calls me to its horizon. I play in its waves as they fold me under and encourage me to fly. Taking risks to speak up, to stand up, to fly using my strength of heart and of mind. The continued meditation on “yes” expands the beating heart, the excited breath, and the joys of a risk-taking soul.
The weight of “no” holds on too tightly and leaves me motionless, waiting for someone to set me free. Without recognizing my own courage, I look towards others passing by as the grayness grows and the clouds expand, too thick to see through. Mustering the courage within, I see the breaking amongst the darkness turning into spots of brightness. The unlocking of the cage occurs with the first breath of “yes” with a push towards what can be. I see the colors against the horizon, the sun’s rays casting playfully against the world and the warmth of it all against my wings as I learn to use my voice to share my song.
The tides will change, the energy moving. The ebbs, the flows, the gentleness and the power of passion. I choose the risks that come with the rewards, I choose the colors that brighten my world and allow me to fly. While the “no” has its place that protects my boundaries, I also surrender to the “yes” and the freedom it provides in my opening. The heart that deserves love and finding it all around. The sun gives me the courage, the warmth and the opportunity to see what lies beyond the horizon. Free to fly, free to try all that this world has to offer me.