I Don’t Let Anyone In For Fear That I Am Unlovable

We’re the unlovables. A generation who feels as though they do everything right but still everything is wrong. You wait the proper amount of time to text back, you use all the right conversation starters, you kiss on the first date but nothing more. Or sometimes, you get drunk in a bar and find yourself in a room that definitely is not yours.

You try to go the traditional route – you meet in a bar, exchange numbers, then the entire next day you sit around wondering if they were really cute or if the dim lighting and third vodka soda were responsible.

When that doesn’t work, you download Bumble and Tinder and any other app that promises true love at the swipe of a finger.

We live in a generation of second guessing ourselves. Living with one foot out the door, always waiting for the next best thing. We do it with clothes, we do it with iPhones, we do it with just about anything.

When instant gratification is so readily available, why work for anything? Why learn to love someone? Why bother going on a second date when you can find ten girls hotter on your explore page? I’ll admit I’ve gone on dates with amazing guys, had a wonderful time, but then somehow three hours later memories of the night make my skin crawl. I slowly stop responding to texts, wait far longer than the appropriate amount of time to open a Snapchat, then slowly but surely cut off communication all together.

Maybe I feel vindicated by all the times guys have done the same to me. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m afraid I’m the problem. Maybe I think I deserve more and then I sell myself short.

I don’t let anyone in for fear that I am the unlovable. I am the one they’ll toss away when something better comes along.

It’s happened before. Things are going well and you think to yourself, maybe just maybe, this time it will lead to actual commitment, maybe this time it’ll be requited love.

Then it’s done; just like that you’re tossed to the side, left to wonder what more you possibly could have done. Next thing you know, that person with commitment issues is suddenly in a long-term relationship and you’re still alone, unlovable.

But that’s not it. You’re not unlovable, I’m not unlovable.

There is a time and a place. I truly believe everyone has their person. I believe you deserve to feel butterflies and get sweaty palms. You deserve real, true, great love.

While it may seem harder than ever to find in a society driven by online approval, love is still out there. Put your phone down and look around. Make conversation, talk to new people, kiss a stranger, take a risk.

Not everything is going to be perfect and yeah, it’s going to be a little messy but if that’s not what your twenties are for then what the hell is the point. Go out to bars, go to coffee shops, talk to people in lines.

While it may work for some, there is more than finding love inside a cell phone screen. You are worth more than a swipe right or left. You have things to share with the world. Stories to tell, mannerisms to be fallen in love with, quirks to figure out. There is far more to you than any bio could ever communicate.

You are lovable.