To whoever is reading this, I’m right there with you. You are one hundred percent not alone on this situation.
It is never easy running into someone you used to love and/or still love. Someone who you used to confide to for everything; someone who was so well merged into your life only for the wholesomeness to be split back into two. Especially when it is the first time you are seeing this person since things had ended, whether it was a mutual ending or not.
You rehash old wounds unconsciously. You spend the rest of the day thinking about whether the person saw you as well and maybe they were too shy to greet you. You contemplate sending them a message or giving them a call; whether you should stick to your pride since you’ve stayed strong for so long or put it aside.
Your mind swirls in a million different directions. You question yourself and your actions throughout the whole duration of the relationship. You question the other person and their actions and try to make excuses or justify things. You didn’t even speak to this person, but the mere utter of their name brings you weak to your knees. It’s like reading the same chapter over and over again, trying to decipher word for word what was the true meaning behind it all.
Emotions go into overdrive. You are torn between being sad for everything ending or being mad at how it ended. You stay up all night listening to Drake songs, only to put you in a more depressive state. Maybe you watch sappy love movies questioning why can’t your love life be sweetly complicated yet have a happy ending. Regardless of how you cope, we all end up down the rabbit hole with no repercussion of how to dig ourselves back out.
I don’t know about you, but I try my best not to get involved with anyone. Sounds harsh, right? It is simply for the fact that for as much as I want an immense and unconditional love, just like any person in this world, I know I cannot handle the emotions I gain.
Aside from emotions, nowadays, it’s this sort of “game” when it comes to finding someone to love. Apparently, you have to text at a certain time of the night or day and can only text first once or how much they stay on top of your social media posts. Whatever the “rules” the game of love is nowadays, I don’t buy it. Text someone whenever you want. If you, at some point in time, had a good time, tell the person. If you think you are feeling something for this person, but are afraid to due to a past history, then mention it. Say what you want. Be upfront and honest. I am sick and tired of countless nights left to my unnecessary thoughts. The buzzing noise of honking cars in rush hour traffic gives me enough headaches already, let alone love giving me more.
Nevertheless, the game drives all of us nuts and leads many of us to having an “old flame”. We still wish we can be civil with our former lover or have enough respect for each other for a simple, “Hello”. Guess you can’t always get what you want.
Embrace your tears and heavy chest because there is no shaming in crying about something that was once good to only now be tarnished. The more you let it out, the faster you heal. Trust me, it will sting inside you after seeing them, even if it was for half a second. Let time take over.
As cliche as it might be, there is a reason for why it ended, even if we’ll never find out why it did.