Hi, I’m Michelle and I’m addicted to online shopping. No, seriously. I love clothes. I love buying them, wearing them and watching other people wear them better.
Since I work from home, most days I sit around in an oversized t-shirt, sans bra, and maybe pants (if I’m feeling fancy). So I like to have nice things to wear for the days I actually leave the house (rare). Yes, this is how I rationalize buying all of the things I don’t really need. Moving on.
To be honest, my boyfriend has a pretty decent sense of fashion. But when you think about it, don’t most guys? I mean, they really can’t go wrong. Casual event? Jeans and a tee. Semi-casual? Pants and a button-up. Formal? Suit.
Now try to think about those dress codes from a woman’s perspective. Right, WAY more room for error. It’s so much easier to be overdressed, or GASP! underdressed, when your options for fabric, skirt lengths and heel height are basically endless.
So, as much as I love staring into my closet and complaining about having nothing to wear (ladies, amirite?), I decided to let my boyfriend become my personal stylist for the week. God bless my soul.
Day 1: Tweeny Bopping
Confession: I stopped growing in seventh grade, meaning my style sense and dress size are pretty much confined to the Juniors’ section. When I try to venture out into the world of women’s clothing, I end up looking like a little girl who got into her mom’s closet. Most days I’m a walking billboard for Forever 21.
Not having much to work with, my boyfriend channeled his inner tween girl for this outfit of the day.
Day 2: All Black Everything
Fun fact: 94 percent of my closet is black. It matches everything. You just can’t go wrong. That is, of course, unless you pair a black tee and black shorts with black wedges (yes, wedges) to go to Walgreens and Goodwill, where my boyfriend spent $50 on the most hideous pieces of clothing he could find in my size.
It doesn’t look that bad at first, I’ll admit. I mean, it doesn’t look great. But it doesn’t look bad … right? At one point I got catcalled by some dudes in a Penske truck. My boyfriend didn’t notice (even though he’s the one who put the damn outfit together), go figure…
Day 3: Butch Chic
If yesterday’s adventure in short shorts and wedges made me feel extra feminine, then today’s outfit is the polar opposite. My boyfriend paired a black tee and chestnut chukkas from my closet with some floral joggers from his for this look.
Day 4: The Hangover
I’m not really sure what my boyfriend had planned for this day, but my red wine-induced headache and nausea ruined any chance of him getting his fashion on. I didn’t leave bed and though I’d love to share what I look like fighting the good fight, I fear that’s too NSFW.
Day 5: InVESTment
Today, my boyfriend hoped to put me in some of the dreadful Goodwill clothes he purchased earlier in the week. However, I doth protested too much because he hadn’t washed them yet so I was able to get away with just wearing a hideous vest over my own clothing of his choice.
Note: It was almost 80 degrees out. I immediately turned into a fireball (and not the delicious alcoholic kind).
Day 6: Bumble Bee
It’s the day my boyfriend (and you, I’m sure) has been looking forward to since the start of this week: putting me in the most God-awful clothes he could find at Goodwill. He choose a bumblebee look, but didn’t let me out of the house to model it because he said the skirt was too short. I guess the Penske catcallers got to him after all.
Where are my shoes, you ask?
“Bumblebees don’t wear shoes.” —boyfriend
Day 7: Yeezy Season
With this ensemble, my boyfriend aspired to create the next line for Kanye’s clothing label. He spent time cutting and shredding everything to make sure the outfit was just right. Instead, I ended up looking more gypsy than Kanye.
I tried to make it out the front door for this one, but there was too much of a peek-a-boob issue for that to fly with bae.
Oh, and my shoes?
“Gypsies don’t wear shoes.” —boyfriend
All in all, I don’t think he did too terrible of a job. I won’t trust him totally with my future outfit choices, but I don’t see the harm in asking his opinion from time to time.
Oh and Kanye, if you’re in search of a muse, we got you.