I stopped believing in love when I got my heart broken. It’s like everything I believed in disintegrated into thin air. I went through life like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders and I went through bottles of booze like it was water.
And then one day, you came along. Of all the people I could meet, I met you. I kept it safe and I had about a hundred and one rules. I’m not actually sure if you were frustrated with my hesitance on so many things – small things I made a big deal of. The thing was I was so damn scared and I just had to guard my heart. We both knew you were around because I needed to forget my ex and really it’s time I got back in the dating game. After all, I needed to pass the time and I was on my way to destruction and well, you were in the way. You helped me plenty, and you probably don’t even know it, you helped me forget about my shitty past that alcohol couldn’t drown.
I couldn’t continue seeing you for months without getting attached. And somehow, you got me ensnared in your charm. Who knew that your smile and the wrinkles around your eyes when you grin would tug on my poor little heart? The warm embrace you gave me, which I used to hate at the beginning, slowly melted my icy walls. The witty remarks you had made me laugh and when you kissed me, I never wanted it to end. Most of all, you made me want to love life. You made me want to be a better person. You made me want to be good enough for you.
But there’s an ending to everything. The moment I realized I loved you, you went right ahead and fell in love with someone else. And it fucking hurt like hell. Just when I was ready to love again, you were suddenly gone. And there were times you kept popping up in my life afterwards and I just accepted it. Even if I told everyone I’m done with you, the heart wants what it wants, such a cliché!
I’m somehow relieved that you finally left my life for good. There’s just so much pain and tears from something that’s supposed to be fun and safe. You will keep on hurting me, whether intentionally or not. The compliments you give should make any girl giddy with joy but it’s like pouring salt on the wound.
I want you to know though that I still love you. I do, even if I denied it about a thousand times already. But it’s time I find someone who’s deserving of me, of my love. I know we are not bound to be together. I know that. And I know you won’t ever love me enough. You were an important person in my life I had to deal with. After all, you patched me up.
So, goodbye. But I will be here, loving you. Until the day I no longer do.