No, I was not diagnosed with the disease. I just have this serious case of forgetting things that I should remember. I sometimes wonder if I am that damaged that I can no longer decide properly which memories to keep and which ones to let go.
I wanted to forget my one true love. It was the perfect kind of love, along with all its glitches, at the wrong time. It was beautiful. From the very first time we met, I was intrigued. And the attraction was reciprocated which blossomed into a very good partnership. There was love that felt like it could burst out of my chest anytime. There were tears, jealousy and misunderstandings. There was laughter about extraordinary and mundane things in life. And there was also agony when things could not be fixed anymore.
And I am suffering from selective amnesia.
I keep on forgetting the lancing pain when I was told that you no longer love me.
I keep on forgetting that you found someone you wanted to share your life with in a matter of days.
I keep on forgetting that I was stripped of my dignity and I was reduced to nothing in front of you.
I keep on forgetting that you want to be friends and at the same time you want to pretend like you never hurt me.
I keep on forgetting that I am a beautiful and good person.
I keep on forgetting that I can open my heart once again to love. Someday.
Instead, I remember all other things which screws up my memory.
I keep on remembering the first time I met you, which you probably don’t remember anymore.
I keep on remembering what it feels like when the air is chilly and your arms are around me.
I keep on remembering the way I dragged you to every restaurant I wanted to try and the way you would smile and let me have my whims.
I keep on remembering the way you held my hand and wiped my tears every time I was at a loss with what to do.
I keep on remembering the tiny little puppies we had in our lives and how we treated them like our babies.
I keep on remembering that I knew you were the one for me.
I keep on remembering the beauty and the magic of what we once had.
So yes, I think that life would be easier if I just remembered all those I need to forget and if I forgot all those things that I am remembering.