I lost my one great love months ago. And it was one hell of a nightmare. I was a total wreck and I said words (like “I will quit my job and start stalking them”) and did things (like show up somewhere unexpectedly like a bunny being pulled out from a magician’s hat) without thinking. Getting drunk did not solve things. From the very first night that I realized that I lost my one great love and there was no getting back together anymore, I kept on telling my friends that I wish the pain and all other emotions will be gone by morning. I wished there was a pill to take away all the hurt and anguish.
So how does one actually move on? I’ve read hundreds of guides and tips on how to move on from a broken heart. But really, while reading all of those stuff, I felt like it was so easy to write and read about it but it’s so difficult to do.
I guess the only thing I can share is that you have to DEAL WITH IT! I know, I know, it’s freaking difficult. But I learned that when time stood still for me as my life fell apart, what did the world do? It just kept on spinning. People got on with their daily lives. Yes, family and friends helped me along the way but really, the world would not stop revolving. Office work is still there, deadlines are still to be met, etc. Life does not bend according to what I am feeling for the day. People can cut me a little bit of slack but it’s not gonna go on forever. People will never understand the pain and anxiety I feel.
I stopped crying already. Well, not entirely. At least, I stopped crying every night to sleep. I occasionally find myself tearing up when I think too much. I stopped looking at old photographs and I tried making new happy memories. I lessened my stalking. As much as I want to say that I stopped stalking, I still find myself checking out the social media arena when I am at my weakest. And when New Year came about, I promised to stop posting drama on my page, which I actually did. But that doesn’t mean that loneliness and pain said bye, bye, bye already. I started thinking about wives who lost their husbands and parents who lost a child. That’s like a million times worse compared to what I’m feeling. And yet, over time, these people heal. These people eventually find happiness. I’ve seen it in my aunts, my friends, my colleagues.
I wake up every single day and think that today is God’s blessing. I was given the gift of life and I mean to live it. I try to think of something positive even if I cringe every time the devil in me says ‘what the hell’. Even if I am surrounded with people, I always feel empty, hollow. Still, I fight every day. I fight and I believe that one day, I will wake up with the pain gone. I fight and I know that one day, I will stand up and feel whole and complete. I fight and I hope that one day, I will find someone to build my life with. I sometimes slip up but that’s what I do. I fight to move on.