1. When they talk about you…while you’re home. The truth hurts, but the dramatic moment when you emerge from your room just might be worth it.
2. When someone leaves a note. There are only four of us here, and we know each other’s handwriting. You’re not fooling anyone by pretending to be the apartment’s conscience or the ghost of clean apartments past, so just talk to me in person.
3. When everyone pretends not to notice a mess. The trash is overflowing, the recycling bin has so many bottles that we look like alcoholics, and the carpet feels like it’s made of gravel – yet the stalemate can continue indefinitely.
4. When their girlfriend/boyfriend/“just a friend but sometimes we hook up” comes over. This one always forces you to play the avoidance game. If there’s any possible way to get from your bedroom to the kitchen without passing the living room-turned-makeout den, you’re about to find out. Need a book from your room? Nope, you can do without it.
5. When they have a huge party at your house and you don’t know anyone. These situations are full of classic conversations where your roommate’s random friends clearly have no idea that you live there, too.
6. When they turn the volume too high. Whether it’s on their laptop, TV, or headphones, somehow the sound of the laugh track follows you wherever you go, mocking your broken concentration.
7. When they don’t replace the toilet paper after using the last square. Way to strand me.
8. When they eat your food. I’m pretty sure I didn’t drink 18 cups of hot chocolate in the past two days. Where did it go?!
9. When they mess up something you LITERALLY JUST CLEANED. “Oh, you just wiped down the microwave? Let me just microwave my leftover marinara and sausage. That’s right…just let it splatter…”
10. When they ostentatiously relax while you’re stressed. When you’re frantically writing a 20-page paper three hours before it’s due, the last thing you want to hear about is how great their last nap was.
11. Thermostat battles. We all know this routine. Last night, I was too cold so I turned up the heat. Tonight I woke up drenched in sweat because you decided to get back at me. Touché.
12. When someone disrupts the shower schedule. From the first day of class onward, there is an unspoken shower schedule that keeps mornings running smoothly. Oversleep or go for an early morning workout and you’re likely to send everything crashing out of control.
13. When they invite people over without giving you a heads up. Oh, we’re both having dinner parties tonight? Awkward…
14. When they take over your friends. I was in the middle of a heart-to-heart when you decided to be friendly and join us. How can I tell you that your niceness is unwelcome?
15. When they take your favorite study spot. Come on. I’ve sat in that chair every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoon for three weeks. How did you not notice?