Why We Can’t Just ‘Move On’

The problem with our culture today is that we treat heartache by ignoring it.

I fell in love two years ago and one year ago, we broke up. Yesterday, he started dating someone. Not just anyone, my friend who’s super amazing. I felt like he was dating a step up from me. Let’s be real, I’m a solid 6 and she’s an 8. I hate to use numbers but there it is. It felt like we’d just broken up even though that was a year ago. All that hurt just came rushing back in. But why? I thought I was over him. We broke up, I moved on. I rejected him several times in that year, so why do I feel so much emotion over something that I don’t desire?

I treated my heartache by ignoring it.

I told myself that the way to get over it is to just push it to the back burner. If I don’t check my phone for his texts three times a day, then I don’t care anymore. If I don’t sigh when our favorite song comes on then it’s all done. If he doesn’t enter my mind, then I don’t have feelings. If. If. If. Now we can all move on with our lives.

When the person enters our mind, we quickly push it out and never deal with the pain because as humans, we don’t like being uncomfortable. We want to quickly move into the I-love-being-single-club. When we do this, we bury our pain. We don’t heal.

The healing process is hard. It takes vulnerability and acceptance of our pain. It takes trust that we made the right decision. We want to know that we’re not sinking in grief—we want to know that pain is temporary. So we push it away quickly, but then we don’t heal.

You know that you’re over it when you can fully be vulnerable again.

Take the time to heal. Ask someone older than you to mentor you or get counseling. Take time to reflect. Write about what hurts and sit in the pain for a little while. Don’t be so quick to push the pain away, but don’t wallow away. Have an ugly cry. It’s okay.

You will fall in love again and when you do, you want to be a person of wholeness and values who can welcome love with open arms not closed fists.