Sure, breaking up with someone is gut wrenching, painful, depressing, and usually ugly. If you’re dumping someone, the person you break-up with will probably not be very happy, which can manifest itself in a lot of really crappy ways such as anger, violence, yelling, crying, hissy fits, temper tantrums, etc. If you are the one getting dumped, you will inevitably feel like your world has come to a screeching halt. Either way, you’ve lost someone that you love and someone who became a part of you. Ending a relationship is never easy.
So when your relationship comes to an end, as most inevitably do, you’re left with the messy task of reclaiming your own self. You’ve got to throw out their t-shirts, CDs, pictures, letters, sweatpants, and socks. That’s the easy part. But then there’s the complicated and painful process of expunging them from your soul. People we love have the ability to weave themselves into our hearts in ways that we never notice—that is, until we must remove them from it.
The cleansing of the soul is, without a doubt, the toughest part of a break-up. You’re left with a void in your heart; one that no amount of alcohol or Instagram likes or attention can fill. The trick here is to identify that void. Recognize that it’s there because you loved someone enough to carve out a place in your heart for them. Acknowledge the power of that type of love. Recognize that this place cannot be filled by anyone else. Time, reflection, and distance are the only things that can help you fill it.
It’s hard to verbalize the exact stages one must go through to fill that gaping chasm. But I can tell you this—it’s going to take more than a few months and a handful of drunken hook-ups. That being said, there is a certain power and revelation that comes from feeling someone else’s lips on yours, finding someone else who makes your heart skip a beat (if only for a second), and realizing that the world hasn’t ended because you are no longer with your ex. Life goes on.
And eventually, as you take the time to heal and regain your sense of self and reclaim your identity, you start to recognize all of the good that emerged from your previous relationship. You realize how amazing it was to love someone, regardless of the outcome. You realize how incredible it feels to be loved by someone else, even if your love wasn’t the forever kind. You realize that each step you’ve taken to get over that person has led you to become a better version of yourself.
This doesn’t happen overnight, but it won’t take forever. And when you finally look into yourself and see a whole, newly intact, matured, and incredible soul, you’ll realize that a break-up is secretly the most amazing experience in the world.