The Truth Behind My Broken Relationships

Clem Onojeghuo

Tonight I was thinking to myself why is it that when a good thing is coming that something bad as to come right before and I realized that it’s because God only gives us what we can handle. That being said I wanted to share some of my stories.

1. My First Love – It was my senior year in high school. I was dating this woman. Her initials were JNC. She was the perfect girl. The girl I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We started dating in December and by February I was living with her and her mom. We went on dates including movies, dinner, go-kart racing and even the local spa. The rough times came when I had disagreements with her and her family that turned into arguments. I also struggled with giving her space when she needed it.

What I learned from this relationship: Too much time with the woman you love can be a bad thing. If you truly care about someone, fight for them not with them.

Sex does not equal intimacy. I would rather be right than happy. Sometimes “THE ONE” is not always “THE ONE”

2. College / Friendship – The summer of my junior year I met a woman who I was very fond of. Her initials were KNP. I felt that I was not good enough for her. I was constantly lying to her and hurting her. She had just gotten out of a relationship and I was willing to do anything to be with her. I followed her to Texas Wesleyan University and wanted to do everything she did, be just like her. I did something that I’m not proud of and was dismissed from Texas Wesleyan.

What I learned from this relationship: Lying is never okay. You must be secure in yourself before you can be with someone else. Sometimes you are supposed to be “just friends.” Don’t ever tell someone you love them if you are not willing to show them you love them.

Saying your sorry is not enough. Actions speak louder than words. Changing yourself because you think someone will like you better is not the choice you should make. You can suffocate someone you care about by being involved in everything they are. Threatening someone is never okay regardless of how mad you are.

Taking all of this into consideration what I realized was that it is not their fault and that I am the common denominator. Sometimes we don’t always get to make things right but we can learn from these experiences.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. What accountability do I take in this? What did I do wrong and what can I do better in the future?

2. How do I respond? Did I hurt someone? Should I apologize?

a. Don’t say I’m sorry. You are not a sorry person. Say I apologize.
b. Acknowledge what you did wrong.
c. Make a commitment on how you can improve.
d. The main thing is to listen. Don’t be defensive.

3. What can I do in the future to prevent this?

Sometimes we don’t always get to make things right but we can learn from these experiences. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog