We all know the feeling we get when we encounter that someone who we think is amazing beyond everything. No, but really though. In your head, they can do nothing wrong. And for weeks and months at a time you’ll spend your time becoming further infatuated with these unicorns (those who are unaware of how attractive they are– at least to us). You’ll place this person on a pedestal so high that your friends will start rolling their eyes at another thought or word about them. This is not because they are jealous of you or insecure, but annoyed rather, at you and your inability to say anything to this person who is supposed to be incredible. It’s been a year and you still haven’t said anything. Chances are this amazing person still doesn’t know that you want them, or worse, that you even exist! So, you continue doing what you’ve always been doing, nothing. You don’t say anything and you’re not doing anything to attract this person into your life.
There is something fundamentally discouraging that’s happening between the sexes now and hardly anyone is talking about it. No one approaches anyone anymore. You know, as in the old fashion 90’s way of approaching someone where you would go up to that cute guy or cute girl, start a conversation and potentially walk away with their number tucked away in your back pocket. It’s like everyone is acting like they’re too good to speak or just waiting around for the relationship of their dreams to fall out of the sky like confetti. Nothing ever comes about from doing that. Is it rejection that has got everyone’s head up their own ass?
When we do get a little bit of ego and this is only by investing so much time and energy on convincing ourselves that we’re worthy and intimidating enough that the thought of someone diminishing that built up confidence in a matter of seconds is scary as hell. Though, I’m not going to make this out to be one of those, “it’s only rejection” speeches, because heeell naw, rejection is a bitch. Trust and believe, no one wants or needs another reason to feel insecure about themselves.
I guess this all goes back to feeling like you’re not worthy enough. It probably would be healthier if we shifted the focus of the negative questions that we sometimes ask ourselves. Instead of, what is it about me they don’t like to what is it about you they would like?
Now, don’t get carried away and go out thinking you’re the shit!
We could all do something to better ourselves, whether that be via our looks, confidence, profession, intelligence, personality, or spirituality. There’s a great quote by Nico Lang that couldn’t be any truer, “If you want to date someone great, be great”. And this is sooo applicable to understanding what one’s limits are in terms of building relationships with people and what that really means. It’s pretty obvious when you’re out of someone else’s league and vice versa. This idea does not only apply to just looks and other superficial stuff, but someone could be out of your league, personality-wise, or spiritually. This is when rejection is like breathing in your face, apparently obvious. You could be attracted to their looks, but not be personally compatible.
It’s easy to want all of these things in someone else or fixating over what someone else does have, but what about you? Shouldn’t you be doing something that can propel you into that same circle? Of course! Here’s the thing, what are you doing to attract such and so into your life? Because most likely that person who is (insert whatever look, profession, or status here) is probably looking for the same thing in someone else. Rejection becomes a lot less apparent when we represent these desired values ourselves. It makes more sense. When you put in work, you have a lot less to lose.
You have more power than you think, use it. Acting weak and physical weakness are two different states of being. When we convince ourselves that we’re not worthy enough to be this way or not worthy enough to be with this person, then we’ve already lost half the battle. All of this goes back to working on oneself before anything. Of course you can’t attract the person’s attention you want when you haven’t done the work to get you to that desired space. Do you first! Take care of yourself (mind, body, and lifestyle) before caring about what others might or might not want from you.
It’s about working with what you do have.
And if anything, if you should feel like you have to compete, compete with yourself rather than comparing yourself to other people. When we build ourselves up and our thinking, the space for confidence comes in and perhaps, confidence is one of the powerfully attractive qualities anyone can have. Even if a person is not physically into you, when you display a healthy dose of confidence, you make everyone think twice. Rejection can be apparent, but it doesn’t have to be. You can smell weakness from a mile away. Take control of how you think of yourself and what you think your chances are in everything, because really, it’s all about how you see it. And when you start thinking like this, rejection becomes less apparent.