
When people ask me for advice about how to get started as a professional writer, my answer is simple: Learn how to network. Itâs a bit counterintuitive, since so much writing advice is based on becoming a better writer. But good writing is subjective; there will always be someone who doesnât get or appreciate your work, no matter how good it is. Experience, on the other hand, is seen as objective. A person with many articles to their credit will be seen as a good, qualified writer, even if theyâve been terrible for years. Writing opportunities are a function of knowing the right person at the right time, which simply means âsomeone in need of a writer at that moment.â
A basic key to effective networking is having a functional icebreaker. Rather than slogging through minutes of inane small talk, the conversation immediately becomes memorable. One of my favorite icebreakers is, âWhatâs the worst conversation youâve ever had?â Itâs a fun question because: a) no one is ever asked that; and b) it necessitates a great deal of thought. Itâs a challenge even establishing what âworstâ means. Itâs finding out that your grandmother had a stroke; itâs getting laid off from a dream job; itâs learning that your wife is having an affair.
Invariably my question gets reflected back to me, and I have an answer at the ready. I even have the exact date when said conversation happened: July 17th, 2009. I was wrapping up lunch with my friend Justine when I got a text from my buddy Anthony. Anthony had been having a tough time. His dad had been in the hospital in a very bad state for several weeks, and the doctors werenât sure what was wrong.
Apologizing to Justine, I took the call. âWhatâs going on?â I asked.
He sighed. âWe just got the diagnosis. Itâs Stage IV cancer thatâs spread to the liver from the colon. Theyâre telling me lots of different things, but I canât think straight and my phone doesnât have any reception. Can you go online and tell me how bad that actually is?â
âOf course. Iâll be home very soon. Iâll call you right away.â I hung up the phone and explained the situation to Justine. But as bad as the news was, this wasnât what made it the worst conversation Iâd ever had.
It was the next thing Justine said that did it: âOh, have you been watching Breaking Bad?â
âWhat?â
âItâs about a chemistry teacher who has inoperable cancer, so he opens up a meth lab.â
I assumed I was misunderstanding her. âIâm telling you my friendâs dad has Stage IV cancer, and youâre telling me to watch some TV show?â
âOh yeah, no, thatâs terrible,â she said, slightly bored and not at all embarrassed. âBut itâs still a great show.â
As I took the train home, I wondered why Justine had rattled me so much. Working in New York City media, Iâd heard many past instances of obnoxious tactlessness. Hell, I was usually the one spouting such things. Everything Justine said was true. Nor did she know Anthony. I didnât believe that strangers are owed empathyâand even if so, it canât be a very informed empathy. I realized that her words showed that Justine and I werenât actually having a conversation. Rather, she was delivering a broadcast. She wanted to talk about Breaking Bad, and when she heard the word âcancer,â she followed it like a hyperlink into her own list of prepared topics.
I use this story because itâs a lot easier to remember a powerful counterexample than to apply an abstract principle. Justine was an extreme case, but the interaction codified a very useful lesson. Social media has turned us all into broadcasters. This isnât a purely bad thing, nor is it entirely new. For decades, politicians and businesspeople have been taught to âanswer the question you would like, not the question actually asked.â Itâs a way to stay on message, and thereâs a time and a place for it. But that time and place is not when youâre trying to maintain a relationship with someone.
The most basic writing tip is that good writing consists of showing and not telling. In the same way, itâs better to show that youâre a writer and not tell. In the first conversation you have with a new contact, thereâs no need to go on and on about how much you enjoy writing and how youâre looking for work. Itâs far more important to establish rapportâmeaning to have a dialogueâthan to demonstrate oneâs writing chops (which is almost impossible to do in a conversation anyway). This is especially the case with beginners, who donât have a track record. When it comes to personal interactions, broadcasting makes for bad networking.
My current business cards have no contact info. This forces any potential client to Google meâwhich shows them my rĂ©sumĂ© and credentials. Itâs unique (which makes it memorable) and itâs mysterious (which makes it intriguing). Because it makes an impression, Iâve received calls even a year later because someone needed a writer and they remembered meeting meâand that someone almost certainly hasnât read anything Iâve ever written.
This might seem like obvious advice, but I encounter broadcasting literally every time I attend an event. I mention a book deal, and the other person starts talking about their manuscript at length. They feel that this is their one chance to make an impression. Unfortunately, the impression they made is the not the one they sought. By telling me how amazing they are, they showed me quite the opposite.