This Is How I Expect You, Future Boyfriend, To Love Me

David Lytle
David Lytle

I’m shy and quiet and in time I’ll open up to you, but I’ll always be socially awkward and find it hard to make direct eye contact. I’ll try to put forth an effort to impress your family and friends, I hope they adore me and invite me round for regular Sunday roasts and family BBQs.

If we ever get to that stage where I can call you my “boyfriend,” I desire cuddles and your honorable intentions, and I hope you treat me like more than just a “friend.” My insecurities and bouts of vulnerability leave me feeling inadequate. I will question my worth and value, and how someone like you could ever love someone like me.

I’m overly polite and come well equipped with manners, so be prepared to hear a lot of “Please” and “Thank you”s from me. I get clingy and jealous and you’ll need to put my mind at rest a lot, I’m mentally deranged and psychopathic, and this is just my good side.

I’m monogamous and faithful and expect the same from you, if you’re looking for an open relationship, then please stay far away from me.

I’m overly romantic and unapologetically affectionate and will crave and desire the same from you. kissing and cuddles on your sofa on a Friday night with a delicious deep crusted pizza, as we feed one another slices and look into one another’s eyes and feel all gooey and giddily inside.

I’m loyal and caring and expect to be treated like a prince, I’m an optimist for love and a true hopeless poet looking for that Disney fairytale happy ever after.

If you’re the type of guy who lurks on Grindr than we are simply just two worlds apart. If you can’t walk down the street without checking out other guys than I deserve so much better that your wandering eyes can’t give me.

I’m ridiculously geeky and fluent in nerdism and see myself as a real life video games character. I hope you like Anime, Walking Dead marathons and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, because I hope you’ll be spending a lot of time in bed, watching Netflixs and snuggling up with me.

Trust comes with time so please don’t abuse it, if your still activate on OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish why do you treat me like a second thought? I want us to be exclusive like Pikachu and Ash, so please don’t be a Brock and flirt with every Nurse Joy in pallet town.

I’m mostly delusional and live in a half-imaginary world but am also a realist to the core. I’m just a weird bunch of contradictions with an obsessive love and passion for writing, I hope one day I’ll be writing an article about you and me.

I am painfully aware that I am hard to love at times. Living with anxiety is extremely hard on me, and I know that it can be just as hard and draining on you and the relationship. Please just bear with me, I promise you that I will try as hard as I can to keep it under control, I really don’t want to lose you over my silly self-doubts and uncertainty.

I’m a sentimental and emotional mess and spend an unhealthy amount of time reflecting on my misanthropic and melancholy prospective. But ultimately I’ve realised I really want a companion, someone to share life with and who can deal with my quirkiness. Is that too much to ask? TC mark

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