Love is weird. And confusing. And awesome. And terrible.
You know what also is weird and confusing and awesome and terrible? The internet. When you mix these two things, it gets weird and stays weird.
The internet has allowed any person VIP access to their crush’s or former significant other’s lives and subsequently, numerous opportunities to inadvertently show what a giant sketchball they are. Here are some horrific things that can happen when social media stalking.
1. You search their name and end up posting their name on your profile.
Hmm, I wonder what Jessie that I used to work with is up to you. So you put her name in the search and hit enter. Now this is weird, why isn’t it searching? OH MAYBE BECAUSE YOU’RE AN IDIOT AND YOU JUST POSTED THE GIRL’S NAME ON YOUR PAGE. I hope that “like” you just received isn’t from your girlfriend. Spoiler alert: it is.
2. You accidentally tag your mom on the girl’s cleavage.
You’re sifting through that girl from freshmen year’s profile pictures and you find yourself a little weary, so you accidentally put your elbow on your keyboard at the exact time you wanted to click to the next one. Next thing you know, you’ve accidentally tagged your mom square on the boob portion of your crush’s beach picture from her summer abroad in Italy. Now you’re regretting putting Facebook on your mom’s iPad, because she immediately commented on the picture “MICHAEL, WHY DID YOU TAG ME HOW DO I UNTAG. ALSO WHAT IS TAGGING. WHO IS THIS, SHE’S CUTE.”
No seriously, good job. You picked the one site where they can see they looked at your profile; it even logs how many times you visited. What is wrong with you? Yeah endorse her “project management skills”, that’ll throw her off your creep scent.
4. Bringing up something they only posted online.
You’re having a conversation with your crush because sometimes life works out and you ask them how their trip to Costa Rica was. Now they’re making a face that says “oh, you mean that trip I didn’t tell you about?” You two aren’t even friends on Facebook and you pretty much know her entire itinerary. You have blown it and she is updating her privacy settings.
5. Regretting your entire life.
Work is a little slow, so for whatever reason, your brain decides it would be a good idea to look up every girl you’ve ever dated and now you’re realizing they’re all better off without you. Intense sadness engulfs you. And then you’re like whatevs, I’m getting a burrito.