Maybe you’re this emoji that guys send to girls they’re dating but maybe he shouldn’t have sent this emoji because they’ve only gone on one date and now she’s not answering his texts and now he’s freaking out and over-thinking it and it’s suddenly 2 a.m. and he’s like “I’ll just go to her house, wake her up and let her know I’m not weird” and now she’s all like “ahhhhh!!! Wait…are you that guy from Tinder I went to Fuddrucker’s with? GET OUT!” and good job Michael you always do this, you screw it up every time, you should have just been like “k bye.”
When someone asks you a dumb question and you want to show them how dumb they are, so you turn your eyes and mouth into line segments. Now they won’t turn back and you’re like “shit! those were easily the favorite parts of my face and now they’re line segments.” So you try to find a surgeon and no one will do the procedure, because obviously, line segment face surgery is extremely risky. Now you’re in Mexico, and it appears the surgeon’s assistant is a donkey and you’re seriously going to let this guy stick knives in your face, so maybe you shouldn’t have been a dick and answered your friend’s genuine question.
Well, congratulations. You read too many Ebola articles and now you’ve lost your mind. Now you can just be one of those people on the train that no one sits next to because they look like Kitana from Mortal Kombat.
Are you awesome? Because these are two of my favorite things, and yes, technically they are two separate emojis, but combined, they are magical. Someone should open a salon where you get a head massage while you eat pizza. You can call it “Pizza Head.” If anybody needs me, I’ll be counting my millions of dollars I’m about to get for this revolutionary idea.
Maybe you’re this cute little emoji, which your parents keep sending you because they keep calling you a “piece of shit” for dropping out of law school and “turning their $50,000 into a pile of shit with eyes and a mouth, like you, you piece of shit.” Well guess what Mom and Dad, GET OVER IT. I told you, I’m a street artist now. Flipping through that Banksy book for 5 minutes while I was taking a shit at Barnes and Noble CHANGED MY LIFE. And guess what? I don’t need you, except you Mom, please do my taxes.