1. Said ‘president’ instead of ‘present’ during roll call
Whenever a substitute teach would preside over class, some of the “badasses” would say “president” instead of “present,” which provoked our tiny little minds into laughter. And then, the ones who had enough balls, but not enough to say it first would follow suit, basking in the copycat glory, but the laughter becoming weaker with every “president.”
2. Compared the sharpness of your pencils
First, it started with comparing how well your eraser worked. Then it evolved into how “pristine” your pencil looked, and eventually, how sharp could you get your pencil without breaking the tip?
3. Placed great value on gold stars
The more stars you had, the better chance you had of receiving a “gift” at the end of the month, which was usually picked from a bag full of random school supplies (new pencils, erasers, stickers).
4. Didn’t sit next to someone because of ‘cooties’
Are “cooties” a thing? Back in grade school, it sure was. Just being near a girl (or a boy) was enough to catch “cooties” and have all your classmates avoid you for the rest of the school term.
5. Got into fights because you wanted to sit next to your friend
Who was the better friend? You or…Kevin? Well, obviously it’s you. Fuck you Kevin.
6. Felt superior to kids who used wooden pencils (because you had a mechanical one)
If you wanted to move up the hierarchy, you got yourself a mechanical pencil. People would ask to borrow your pencil. Not some loser kid with his Ticonderoga No. 2.
7. Cheated during thumbs up
You wanted to be the best at thumbs up so you could pick your crush every time, but you never could, because you sucked at cheating.
8. Ran to be the first in line for lunch
It was recess first, then lunch. And that meant you wanted to be at the front of the line. No one wanted to be dead last. Dead last meant not sitting with your friends to talk about Pokemon or WWF (when it was called WWF, not WWE).
9. Traded food based on some made-up hierarchy of food
“I’ll trade you my chocolate milk for half of your fries.”
10. Bragged about paper airplane skills
Who constructed the best airplane? Who could fly it the farthest? We all experimented with construction paper airplanes until someone got hit in the face with one. Oooh, I’m telling!
11. Chewed gum during class and hiding it under your tongue
I remember girls doing this a lot. Lunch monitors would say, “Are you chewing gum?” And the girls would shake their heads. “Open your mouth.” And surprisingly, they wouldn’t. After the monitor leaves, the girls would turn to each other and reveal their hiding locations.
12. Asked the person ahead in line “what do scissors do” and then they say “cut” and then you’d cut them in line
13. Thought it was actually a slam to not invite someone to your birthday party
14. Religiously practiced ‘Opposite Day’
This is the day you say, “I like you,” to your crush.
15. Was a frequent participant of the ‘I Know You Are, But What Am I” game
Someone try to diss you? Say, “I know you are, but what am I?” And revel in your glory because they probably won’t have a good comeback.