1. You find yourself wrapped up in blankets watching Netflix
Night after night, you retreat into your bedroom (or living room) and cuddle up with a nice and soft blanket and watch some episodes of House Hunters while eating some Turkey Hill ice cream. Does that sound about right?
2. You find bars completely exhausting
Meeting people… You’ve decided that meeting new people is a chore and that’s why you go home and watch Netflix. When people ask you to come out, you tell them you already have a date… You just won’t tell them who and what. (The name starts with a C and ends with a H.)
3. You put on your sweatpants and there’s no way you’re getting out of them
Have you tried GETTING OUT of sweatpants? They’re the hardest thing to do. Comfy, breezy, warm. Yeah. If I could wear sweatpants to work, I would.
4. Your friends convince you they’re not right for you
Are your friends running your life? Gimme a break! Friends say they know you better than yourself, but in truth, who knows you better than you? No one but you, that’s who. And it’s true! I’ll say that until I turn blue. Repeat the phrase until it sticks like glue. Don’t give in to your crew. And that’s my cue.
5. You’re Hazel Williams
People can just smell desperation on you.