1. Stay out of other people’s business. Stay out of mine, I’ll stay out of yours — unless it involves something criminal.
2. Stop living your life to please other people. Be selfish, you prick.
3. You are not the smartest person in the room. Doesn’t matter if you have a PhD, there will always be someone out there better than you at something.
4. The world owes you nothing. It owes you jack shit.
5. Don’t argue with people who can’t see reason. You hear that internet?
6. Although it’s hard to see, money is truly the root of all evil. Bankers rule the world.
7. Life is short, stop being so goddamn angry. But those fucking bankers…
8. Stop complaining, please.
9. Your parents don’t know the future. They’re just as blind as you are, fumbling through life, but they’ve gone through what you’re going through (so maybe, you know, listen to them for once).
10. Your GPA counts for jack shit in real life. If you think your 4.0 is going to help you through a breakup, good luck! Instead, focus on learning.
11. The game of life. Cheat a little, but not so much that you’re breaking laws.
12. College is not for everyone.
13. Cutting out friends is part of life. Sometimes it’s better to let go.
14. Express curiosity with humility.
15. Pride will get you killed.
16. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people. But mostly, shit happens.
17. You don’t get things handed to you.
18. Fake it ’til you make it, is one of the truer sayings regarding life.
19. Go to bed early. Early birds get the worm, and it’s a fact.
20. Rejection — more often than not — is the best way to learn.
21. Praise more, smile often.