‘Brooklyn Hipsters Now Literally Just Living In Filthy Dumpsters’ And 44 Other Ridiculous Headlines That Are From Actual News Articles

By Michael Koh

These are good enough to have been written by The Onion. Read some others 50 more here and 55 more here. Scroll down to read 45 ridiculous headlines that will make your head hurt.

1. Liberals squirm as Abbott refers to ‘the suppository of wisdom’

Source: Sydney Morning Herald

2. The Hunger Games Summer Camp is a Terrible Idea

Source: IGN.com

3. Dog the Bounty Hunter to pursue Snowden Bounty

Source: Chronicle.su

4. Norway PM Jens Stoltenberg works as secret taxi driver

Source: BBC News

5. Steubenville-Inspired W.V. Youth Program Totally Misses the Point

Source: NY Mag

9. Weymouth Man Arrested After Bragging To Undercover Officer About Being ‘Wanted’

Source: CBS Boston

10. Redheads stage Ginger Pride march at Edinburgh Fringe

Source: BBC News

11. Artist sexually assaulted during piece on sexual assault

Source: Shanghaiist

12. North Korea ‘Launches Own Smartphone’

Source: Sky News

13. Men warned as testicle-biting Pacu fish invades Scandinavian waters

Source: Fox Denver

14. Pete Rose: ‘I Should Have Picked Alcohol Or Beat Up My Wife’

Source: CBS Pittsburgh

15. Family Rescued In Pacific After Sailing ‘Where God Led Us’

Source: NPR

16. LG G2 Korean event gets 20 people injured in free phone stunt

Source: Phandroid

17. This recycling bin is following you

Source: qz

18. Police marksman keeps job after having sex on duty with gun around ankles

Source: The Guardian

19. Vladimir Putin Just Made It Illegal To Tell Kids Gay People Exist

Source: The New Civil Rights Movement

20. Professor says kids no longer need to learn spelling and grammar because of smartphones

Source: Daily Caller

21. Germans hunt turtle after attack on boy

Source: BBC News

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22. Taylor Swift’s Look-Alike Suffers Broken Jaw for Resembling the Most Irritating Pop Star Ever

Source: Cafemom

23. Biden headed to Iowa for high-profile steak fry

Source: CNN

24. NY MAN ARRESTED 29 TIMES FOR NABBING TRAINS, BUSES

Source: AP

25. Thieves steal limbless French adventurer’s wheelchair

Source: France 24

26. Endangered bird thrives on US Navy firing range

Source: Telegraph

27. Prairie dogs’ language decoded by scientists

Source: CBC

28. NSA firing 90% of its sysadmins to eliminate potential Snowdens

Source: BoingBoing

29. Pedophile Claims To Be ‘Sexologist,’ Needs Virgins For Research Project

Source: The Inquisitr

30. One-way trip to Mars could be yours for just $38

Source: 89 WLS

31. Man with distinctly unimpressive sideburns wins sideburns competition

Source: Metro

32. 47-story skyscraper would be more user-friendly if it had an elevator

Source: MSN News

33. College student to cop: ‘Of course I’m drunk, it’s Thursday night in Iowa City’

Source: Death and Taxes Mag

34. Wizard of Oz to be adapted into TV medical drama

Source: BBC News

35. A Boy Prays for Lightning to Strike His Family’s Car and Gets His Wish

Source: Complex

36. Member of Congressional Science Committee: Global Warming a ‘Fraud’ to ‘Create Global Government’

Source: The Nation

37. Florida man bitten by shark also struck by lightning, bitten by rattlesnake

Source: Orlando Sentinel

38. Funky monkeys make off with over 100 mobiles

Source: Pune Mirror

39. Packers’ Aaron Rodgers is talented at tossing footballs

Source: NFL

40. Man Hides Loaded Gun in Buttocks, Then Helps Police Find It, They Say

Source: DNAinfo Chicago

41. Rand Paul open to beer-delivering drones

Source: The Washington Examiner

42. Brooklyn Hipsters Now Literally Just Living in Filthy Dumpsters

Source: New York Observer

43. Excitement hope for Boring, Oregon, and Dull, Perthshire

Source: BBC News

44. This Ohio Town Will Discriminate Against Minority Commuters Even If It Costs Them Millions

Source: PolicyMic

45. One Nation candidate Stephanie Banister ‘doesn’t oppose Islam as a country’

Source: News.com.au

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image – SoraZG

1. Liberals squirm as Abbott refers to ‘the suppository of wisdom’

2. The Hunger Games Summer Camp is a Terrible Idea

3. Dog the Bounty Hunter to pursue Snowden Bounty

4. Norway PM Jens Stoltenberg works as secret taxi driver

5. Steubenville-Inspired W.V. Youth Program Totally Misses the Point

6. US judge changes baby’s name from Messiah to Martin

7. Vandals hit Iowa State Fair butter cow with red paint

8. Loud beats endanger Swedish nightclub fish

9. Weymouth Man Arrested After Bragging To Undercover Officer About Being ‘Wanted’

10. Redheads stage Ginger Pride march at Edinburgh Fringe

11. Artist sexually assaulted during piece on sexual assault

12. North Korea ‘Launches Own Smartphone’

13. Men warned as testicle-biting Pacu fish invades Scandinavian waters

14. Pete Rose: ‘I Should Have Picked Alcohol Or Beat Up My Wife’

15. Family Rescued In Pacific After Sailing ‘Where God Led Us’

16. LG G2 Korean event gets 20 people injured in free phone stunt

17. This recycling bin is following you

18. Police marksman keeps job after having sex on duty with gun around ankles

19. Vladimir Putin Just Made It Illegal To Tell Kids Gay People Exist

20. Professor says kids no longer need to learn spelling and grammar because of smartphones

21. Germans hunt turtle after attack on boy

22. Taylor Swift’s Look-Alike Suffers Broken Jaw for Resembling the Most Irritating Pop Star Ever

23. Biden headed to Iowa for high-profile steak fry

24. NY MAN ARRESTED 29 TIMES FOR NABBING TRAINS, BUSES

25. Thieves steal limbless French adventurer’s wheelchair

26. Endangered bird thrives on US Navy firing range

27. Prairie dogs’ language decoded by scientists

28. NSA firing 90% of its sysadmins to eliminate potential Snowdens

29. Pedophile Claims To Be ‘Sexologist,’ Needs Virgins For Research Project

30. One-way trip to Mars could be yours for just $38

31. Man with distinctly unimpressive sideburns wins sideburns competition

32. 47-story skyscraper would be more user-friendly if it had an elevator

33. College student to cop: ‘Of course I’m drunk, it’s Thursday night in Iowa City’

34. Wizard of Oz to be adapted into TV medical drama

35. A Boy Prays for Lightning to Strike His Family’s Car and Gets His Wish

36. Member of Congressional Science Committee: Global Warming a ‘Fraud’ to ‘Create Global Government’

37. Florida man bitten by shark also struck by lightning, bitten by rattlesnake

38. Funky monkeys make off with over 100 mobiles

39. Packers’ Aaron Rodgers is talented at tossing footballs

40. Man Hides Loaded Gun in Buttocks, Then Helps Police Find It, They Say

41. Rand Paul open to beer-delivering drones

42. Brooklyn Hipsters Now Literally Just Living in Filthy Dumpsters

43. Excitement hope for Boring, Oregon, and Dull, Perthshire

44. This Ohio Town Will Discriminate Against Minority Commuters Even If It Costs Them Millions

45. One Nation candidate Stephanie Banister ‘doesn’t oppose Islam as a country’

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Uber is a mobile app that connects you to a ride. Download Uber and never hail a cab again.