50 Onion News Headlines That Are Actually From Real News Stories

We all know people that have taken The Onion seriously. I think we can understand why now.

1. Better Wi-Fi at Starbucks Undoubtedly Means Even Worse Amateur Screenplays

Source: Vanity Fair

2. Police fine man $147 for sitting under tree

Source: CTV

3. 12-Year-Old Robs 10-Year-Old’s Lemonade Stand At BB Gunpoint

Source: The Consumerist

4. Man claims carnival game was scam after losing $2K, winning large banana

Source: Fox 59

5. Freshman Starts ‘White Student Union’ Club at Georgia State University

Source: All News 1067

6. Dropping $180 For Bird Poop Facials At NYC Spa

Source: AP

7. Man fleeing officers unknowingly tries hiding in St. Louis County police headquarters

Source: KMOV

8. Power company sends threatening letter to freeloading streetlight

Source: MSN Now

9. New York woman visited by police after researching pressure cookers online

Source: The Guardian

10. Texan fatally stabbed after karaoke dispute in Thailand

Source: USA Today

11. Mom Tries to Get Her Son Laid With Craigslist Ad

Source: NYMag

12. Police: Saggy pants may have contributed to Youngstown man’s fall

Source: Vindy

13. Shots fired during prayer vigil remembering shooting victims

Source: WSBT

14. TV show giving away babies as prizes

Source: KHOU

15. Don’t boycott our vodka, you’ve got the wrong country, say gay Latvians

Source: Gay Star News

16. Israel uses Facebook ‘likes’ to convict Palestinian student

Source: Middle East Monitor

17. The World’s Most Homoerotic Homophobes Are Now Mounting a Giant Pole in Tiny Pink Shorts

Source: The Atlantic Wire

18. Man calls 911 on McDonald’s

Source: WALB

19. Man with 132 lb. scrotum gets TLC show

Source: Entertainment Weekly

20. Al Sharpton: ‘Some People Exploiting Differences Between Us for Their Own Advantage’

Source: CNS News

21. Buffalo Man Caught Drinking Beer at Road Check

Source: WGRZ

22. US man ‘abandoned’ in US jail gets $4m in compensation

Source: BBC News

23. Belarusian president boasts of bigger fish than Putin’s

Source: The Moscow News

24. Chicago Tribune Accidentally Publishes a Placeholder Cat Photo on Front Page

Source: Peta Pixel

25. North Korea Claims to Have Nuclear Suicide Bombers

Source: PolicyMic

26. Essex school bans triangular flapjacks after injury

Source: The Guardian

27. Greene Co. Fair strips KKK photo of blue ribbon

Source: Dayton Daily News

28. Record-breaking 13-pound German baby almost looks heavy enough to be American

Source: The Gist

29. Child banned from school trip for eating chocolate

Source: The Telegraph

30. Rapper’s Lyrics Lead To His Own Arrest In Double Homicide Case

Source: All Hip Hop

31. Rare condition makes James Bond theme music ‘orgasmic’ for man who suffered stroke

Source: The National Post

32. Assad’s alternate universe: Syrian president joins Instagram, manages to erase almost all traces of civil war

Source: The National Post

33. Christian Publisher Removes Loch Ness Monster From Biology Textbook

Source: Christian Post

34. Ice cream and fizzy drinks avert mass chimpanzee escape bid at Twycross Zoo

Source: The Independent

35. Swedish serial killer who raped and ate his victims to be freed – because he made it all up

Source: The Independent

36. BBC apologises for broadcasting picture of Prince William with penis drawn on his head

Source: The Independent

37. Woman dies after injecting hot beef fat into her face

Source: Sun Times

38. Is Sitting the New Smoking?

Source: Discovery

39. Giant Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket left on tenant’s lawn

Source: CBC

40. Who’s Built a Better Search: the NSA or Facebook?

Source: The Atlantic Wire

41. Barry Church injured by cherry Jolly Rancher

Source: SBNation

42. EasyJet apologises after telling passengers their flight was delayed for 86 years

Source: News.com.au

43. Opium-eating wallabies get high, make crop circles

Source: Sydney Morning Herald

44. Zynga sues sex app maker over Bang With Friends name

Source: BBC News

45. Bachmann says Americans worried about “rise of the Soviet Union”

Source: CBS News

46. Guantanamo prisoners clamor for ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Source: Reuters

47. Thousands of bees attack Texas couple, kill horses

Source: MSN News

48. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and his disgusting fangirls

Source: LA Times

49. New teeth grown from urine – study

Source: BBC News

50. Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ makes the cake taste better

Source: NBC News Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – SoraZG

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