30 Potential Facebook Slogans

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Shutterstock

Many folks might not be aware that Facebook does, in fact, have a slogan. The social network’s catchphrase is, “Facebook is a social utility that connects you with the people around you.” YAWN. I almost fell asleep while reading that lengthy drivel.

The network needs something catchier. Something more hip, and certainly a bit edgier. The current slogan makes it sound as though it’s a network for a bag of farts. Fart bags don’t appeal to me and I’m sure they don’t grip the teens.

If we’re being honest, Facebook is on its last gimp leg. Marky Zucks and the Funky Ducks desperately need to reel in some new users before the place we know as Facebook crumbles into the Hellhole it’s gradually becoming.

No need to worry your nerd heads, boys. I’m here with a slew of potential new Facebook slogans. They’re memorable, to the point, and honest. Personally, I feel they all accurately portray the network that I’ve observed over my years as an active user. Try them out, and compensate me with millions! Or large quantities of honey glazed hams if you prefer.

Potential Facebook Slogans:

“A disturbing look at the narcissistic world of egomaniacs.”

“OPINIONS! From people who shouldn’t be allowed to have them.”

“Lie to make your life sound enviable! Who’s gonna know?”

“Guess Who’s Pregnant?”

“Wish a happy birthday to the guy who called you a faggot in 7th grade.”

“Guess who’s on heroin?”

“The dumbest kids from your high school all reproduced.”

“Articles about millennials, rape, and murder!”

“He’s not in prison yet?!”

“Take a look around. Your situation isn’t so bad, huh.”

“Be watched. With no escape.”

“Racism disguised as a Conservative ideology from guys who have sex with trucks!”

“White people are the worst!”

“Are you a licensed psychiatrist? We need you over here!”

“Alcoholism in denial.”

“Attend a dinner banquet hosted by some shit bag you haven’t spoken to in 8 years.”

“Pretend you didn’t get the invite to like that shitty band’s page.”

“Childish inside jokes you won’t fucking get.”

“Memes so bad you’ll need horse tranquilizers!”

“Who’s trying to be a rapper TODAY?”

“Guys from your high school turned into cars!”

“Watch terrible Vines you didn’t want to see, shared by people you’ll soon be unfriending.”

“Debate feminists ideals and race issues with strangers who can barely read.”

“Everyone who dropped out of your high school now Fucking Loves Science.”

“Cleavage and butts from ladies you can smell through the screen.”

“Why’s grandma on here?”

“NOT GOOGLE – Although that isn’t stopping people.”

“Inspirational quotes from pill heads and parolees.”

“Nothing particularly useful!”

“Where no awards are given, yet everyone’s still competing.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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