At times life may seem nothing but stress, worry and meaningless motions. This is certainly the case until you find purpose. Even when you’ve found purpose you’re invariably bound to face pressures, anxiety and unease. This is all part of living, but at least you’re truly living.
When you’re meandering through life without cause you’re solely existing – not living. Sincerely living makes all the trouble worth it. You have reason to wake up and move forward with your day. Reason outside of surviving, that is. Heading to a place you work wholly to make money is surviving. Loving what you do and doing it because you love it is what I consider “living.”
It wasn’t until very recently I discovered true purpose. I always had ambitions, but this was in the same way a young girl aspires to own a horse. My aspirations were entirely based on self-centeredness. To this day I have the same hopes and dreams, but I understand why I have them and what I intend to do with them.
I always desired to entertain. Nothing brings me more joy than seeing smiles and hearing laughter. Even at a very young age I recognized this as what I thought to be a “purpose.” However, the only thing I considered in these goals was myself. I aimed to create a name people knew. I wanted nothing more than to be famous and live lavishly with the money I earned from that fame. Naturally anyone who writes, sings, dances acts or wants to entertain in any way has to be somewhat self-absorbed. That’s expected and really quite necessary. In my view, however, having these yearnings only because you want prominence does not qualify as a purpose.
In middle school I began posting videos to Youtube. Over a few years I developed a fairly decent following. It’s embarrassing to admit now, but I hosted webcam shows as well. No, not on the “chubby teen toys herself with a cucumber” sites. There were various highly-trafficked outlets where entertainers could do live shows. I rounded up a solid amount of viewers in each of my shows, and the majority of them seemed to love it. I loved it as well. I look back and nearly tear up thinking about those great days. Sure, I was trying my best to make people laugh then. Mostly I was in love with the fact that people knew me and liked me. That pathetic truth was my overall motivation.
I spread my “brand” across multiple social media platforms over the years. I posted videos, rap songs, writings and whatever else I felt could get me to fame. Throughout these efforts I never stopped to think about what I was actually doing, or why, outside of the comprehensive sad attempt to reach stardom.
Fast forward to age 22 where I am now. I’m content with things currently, still in school and feel I have things figured out for the most part. Unfortunately it took some very traumatic stuff for me to reach this point. If I hadn’t hit bottom I would have never chosen to live sober. If I hadn’t made the decision to live sober, well, I don’t know where I’d be now. Possibly dead or in jail, but I can guarantee I wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t even understand the concept of having a purpose.
I’m blessed to have underwent what I did. I may have a rough past, but at 22 I have some direction and meaning in my life. I would imagine millions of all ages haven’t found any true purpose in themselves yet. There are high school students who seek only to abuse substances and have fun. At least they’re young. There are college students who only pursue going out and getting drunk because they haven’t yet found real meaning. Perhaps they’ve found their career path and don’t particularly like it. Many choose a major and follow through with it because it will make them money. I can easily see that as a justification of getting drunk nightly after work. I would too if I was working only for money and had the ability to drink like a normal person. These young folks also have time to figure things out. Lastly are the millions of people 30 and over who are working a 9 to 5 they can’t stand. Although at any age it’s never too late to discover.
Thus far I’ve focused only on careers which isn’t fair. Obviously many who do work at jobs they hate have found something that brings them happiness. I want to make clear drinking and partying don’t constitute this happiness. Maybe that is what you believe makes you happy. I’m not here to tell you you’re wrong. I am saying these things aren’t meaningful, though. When your only purpose is to get loaded and forget your miserable reality, you don’t actually have any purpose. I know a lot of folks who don’t like their career but have the purpose I speak of. They help others in some shape or form. They enjoy life because they’re living. They work to survive but do great things outside the workplace that help them live.
You can’t find the purpose and meaning I’m incessantly referring to until you step outside yourself. For me it took a serious search within myself. I evaluated my past, my mistakes, what made me cause them and what I can do differently. Now I love helping others. Folks who want the help or hope for a change. I’m not self-praising or boasting. Sure, helping others makes me feel good about myself, but that’s exactly what brings me contentment and keeps me on a straight path. My clear mind and love for service are in part what led me to translate the real meaning of my aspirations. I don’t just want to be famous. I no longer want to be a comedian with television appearances solely so I can say that. I don’t write simply so people can claim “he writes and I read it.” I hope to one day incorporate all these things into a career so positive things can arise. Positive things for others. I want people to laugh. If I didn’t have the ability to find humor in so many things I can safely say I would have taken my own life. Laughter is a powerful tool which heartily can be a medicine. Other people need to experience it and I want to aide in that. I aspire to write for television, knowing that show could potentially be someone’s favorite part of the day. I aim to write things which may inspire thought, change perspectives or simply entertain. I can finally acknowledge these goals as my real purpose. In regards to sober living my purpose is to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. Outside of the program I simply want to bring joy. I have to be somewhat self-seeking, but I absolutely must consider others far more than myself.
I hope my experience, strength and hope may lead you to self-searching. More power to you if you’re at a content point and have a solid grasp on your purpose. To those who feel unsettled or fear the future, remember there’s always time. Everyday is a new day and a fresh opportunity. You don’t have to struggle through the hours with a feeling of despair when you’ve truly self-reflected and discovered what you can do to usher glee for you and others.