If you have cable you’re aware of Flo from Progressive, whether you like it or not. As a TV viewer or internet user it’s impossible to avoid her. Flo has forced her way into becoming a minor part of our lives. You may not think of her often, but I’m willing to bet she pops into your mind every now and then.
Originally I found her to be an annoyance. “Shut the fuck up,” I muttered as she made one of her terrible jokes. Things took a drastic turn the more I saw her, however. Something deep came over me. To put it bluntly: I fell in love with her.
I view Flo as my ideal lover and partner. Many factors played a part in coming to this conclusion. The reasons listed below are exactly why I desire Flo as my baby mama; a darling who I will commit to and remain loyal to for the rest of our wonderful lives.
She’s always making wisecracks. Are they corny? You bet your bippy they are! I genuinely love the stale comedy stylings of Flo. It’s the kind of humor that makes me want to crawl into a carbon monoxide-filled basement and just wait. Wait for her to make another joke and give me the chance to love her that is!
Those wide, creepy eyes of hers. To a lot of men they might be terrifying. In my eyes, they’re a mirror to her freaky sexual desires. Come on, you KNOW she’s a freak in the sheets. Flo looks like the type of lady who isn’t afraid to try some new things, and conversely can show you a thing or two. She’s the type to push the action on you even when you’re not really feeling it. Imagine waking up to those enormous eyes, practically begging to do deplorable deeds to your bootyhole. Now that’s a woman!
Her extreme enthusiasm is adorable. How could you not love a woman so upbeat? Flo can lift your spirits on the bluest of days, I’m sure of it. She exhibits the positivity I want to come home to after a long day of work.
She’s a hard-working woman. She displays ethic and dedication to the job in every ad she appears. Flo won’t leave those poor bastards alone until they buy some damn insurance. I’m sure any company would be blessed to have her as a sales associate. A true asset to any brand. It’s clear she’s an independent woman who can provide for herself. Flo, baby, you can just let me provide the stroke for that ass.
She’s a genuine sweetheart. Above I mentioned she drives to make a sale, but that’s not all she’s about. Flo cares for her customers and craves the best for them. As a wife and lover she’d do the same for me. She would make sure I’m consistently happy and satisfied with things. In the bedroom she wouldn’t throw in the towel until I’ve had an orgasm more intense than the circus fire. My readers, please know my main goal would be doing the same for her.
That hair. Something about it entices me. It’s like a rubber wig plastered onto her head, and the mere thought of it is making me purr like a cat in heat.
Her uniform. The getup alone is seductive, but the form-fit on her goddess-like body is all the more alluring. Flo’s roleplaying would be out of this world, and I can guarantee she’d be the one to initiate it.
She can sing and dance. Flo has some moves and she indubitably makes them work. I don’t think it’s outlandish to presume she can make that thang clap with the best of them. I’m more than ready to witness. Her voice has the potential to be angelic as well.
That ass, though.
If you’re reading this, Flo, please give me a shot. You can be my lover if you wanna, and you don’t even have to get with my friends. I’m not a particularly manly guy but I promise I can make you feel like the amazing woman you are on a daily basis. I’m well-dressed, kind and my mom says I’m very cool. You’d be a darn fool to pass up this opportunity. I can write you sweet poems, you can buy me cuban link chains and we can live happily together forever.