Ever since I heard Jay-Z’s “Hard-knock Life” at age 8 I have listened exclusively to rap music. Of course I have received criticism from the white folks over the years. Not many people can truly understand why Gucci Mane is my favorite person in the world, or why I enjoy “street music” so much. What these people don’t understand is that you can learn a lot from rap music. Hell, I’ve modeled my lifestyle off the genre, and I would say I’m doing pretty well. (I’ve been arrested 6 times)
I can’t blame rap for my foolish mistakes. That stuff is all on me. Regardless, I’ve grown wiser in recent years largely due to the teachings of rap music. Let’s take a gander at some of the things rap has taught me.
All women are hoes
Before you say, “that’s a load of bullshit”, go listen to some rap songs. Also watch your language. You wouldn’t hear about it in thousands of songs if it were a false generalization. Can you recall when that broad I can’t remember sang, “Girls just wanna have fun?” That’s true isn’t it? Exactly.
Drinking cough syrup is cool as hell
Countless rappers talk about sipping lean, and they have many awesome slang terms for it. Easter pink, dirty sprite, ac, kickstand, etc. Rappers are generally cool so whatever they’re drinking must obviously be phat. Sure it causes unsightly guts and seizures, but those are just minor side effects to being fly.
Guns make people respect you
Call me a loser. Did you do it? Okay, that was bold of you and very hurtful. Now pretend I’m holding an AR-15. Are you going to call me a loser now? I didn’t think so pussy boy.
Smoking weed is necessary
Smoking on “loud”, as they call it, is the only way to deal with the stressors we face daily. How else are we going to get through negative times? Prayer? YEAH RIGHT! Just get high, dawg. Puff your brains out daily. Take a look at Wiz Khalifa. That guy is doing pretty well for himself. He seems like a genuine pleasure to be around. Sharp as a tack. Don’t you want to be like him?
Selling drugs is an excellent start-up plan
Nobody wants to work a grueling 9 to 5 to survive until their “real career” takes off. Plus the white devil is always takin’ out some of our hard-earned money for taxes. Just sell a little dope. That’s all paper trail, baby.
Wearing designer clothes is how you get women
Who needs a personality when you have a Gucci belt? Bitches love that! Anybody wearing Old Navy or Bugle Boy has no chance of getting laid, and Bugle Boy isn’t even a store anymore. So you should really reanalyze your priorities.
People who aren’t driving luxury vehicles are nobodies
Nice Honda, dick! You haven’t earned the respect of anyone until you have a Bentley or Lambo. Driving an expensive car shows others you have money, which is omnipotent. I will touch base on that later. You can gain even more respect by riding around in that foreign with a Glock 30. If the police try to pull you over just laugh at them and their Crown Victoria. Bunch of broke ass pigs if you ask me.
You need at least one chain
Gold or diamonds are your only options here. This further illustrates your wealth, and it attracts the hoes. The hoes will say to themselves, “Whoa nice chain! This guy has money. Now I will have sex with him.”
Never “wife a bitch”
As mentioned earlier, all women are hoes. Therefore, you never want to commit yourself to one woman. Would you want to be in a committed relationship with a lady who will inevitably let other ballin’ ass guys inside of her? No way, Jose. That goes for you too, Javier.
Money is the most important thing in the world
Money is absolutely necessary to acquire the designer clothes, chains, guns, luxury cars and subsequently hoes. You also need a solid amount of cash to support your drug habit. Without the pot and cough syrup you’re going nowhere bud. You wanna be a broke nervous wreck? Get yourself some money. Buy pot to smoke in your $200,000 vehicle. You might be asking yourself “How am I going to get this money?” You’re probably not with that mentality. You need a hustler’s mentality. Sell some drugs. Marijuana is usually good for beginners. With any luck and a lot of ambition you’ll be selling bricks of cocaine in no time. Now that’s paper. You will then reach the state of immense success. Money over everything.