Do This One Thing If You Really Want To Get Your Ex Back

image - Flickr / Tess Mayer
image – Flickr / Tess Mayer

So, you and your girlfriend broke up.

Is it possible that she may still be desperate for you to “win her back” — even though she swears she’s done?

Yes, it is.

Maybe she said it’s over. Maybe she said she doesn’t love you anymore. Or maybe (if she’s really mad) she said she never loved you at all. And now? Now she’s dating that other dude.

You might think you’ve got no chance.

Believe it or not, none of those things have anything to do with whether you can get your girlfriend back. 

Because as you’ll see, there’s something she desperately wants — something that only YOU can give her.

There’s a sneaky little secret about women she’s been hiding from you, and for good reason: it is the biggest secret to overcoming her resistance and capturing her again. It’s the secret that makes the difference between getting her back and keeping her this time—or letting her slip away forever.

There isn’t a woman alive who thinks: You know what I want to do? I want to fall in love with a guy and give him my heart, my body, my soul. I want to make memories, inside jokes and plans for the future … and then, I want my heart to be ripped away from his like a scab covering a bloody scar and have to go through the process all over again.

Right? No one thinks that!

In other words: when you started dating, she wanted it to work out!

And every step she took with you was a step toward the future. Every step she took with you was a bonding experience. Every step made her feel closer to you. Every step was another investment on her part (and yours, too).

Eventually, she got to a point where she “couldn’t do it anymore,” because she didn’t see a way to make that investment work. She tried to tell you what was wrong, how she felt, and why she was unhappy. Maybe you listened, but she didn’t feel heard or understood.

She felt like she was on a merry-go-round of madness, seeing the same scenery, the same issues over and over again.

Women give themselves completely to the men they are with; it’s one of their best qualities. 

And she was working on the relationship like it was her PhD thesis; that’s how she felt. And when she didn’t believe you were in the same boat with her, when she felt like she was the only one rowing, she bailed.

She was emotionally drained and saw no way out but to get out. And because it’s so painful for her to face her disappointment, to face the failure of all she hoped for, she tells you these falsehoods:

  • “It’s over.”
  • “I don’t love you anymore.”
  • “I never loved you.”

Why does she say those things when they aren’t true? 

This is where it gets really interesting: Even though she feels like she worked hard on this relationship, she still (at least partially) blames herself for its failure. It’s easier for her to tell you it’s over; think of it as a coping mechanism.

It’s easier to be mad than to feel hurt, disappointed, or to get her hopes up again. She thinks if she can convince herself she doesn’t love you, maybe, just maybe, the ache in her heart will stop hurting so much.

And you understand this—intuitively.

And here’s where you come to the rescue. Here’s where you get her back!

Because the fact is, if there was ANY way she could see things possibly working out with you, she’d be back in your arms quicker than you can microwave a Hot Pocket.

Why? Because you know her. She feels comfortable with you. Intimate with you. You know her vulnerabilities. You know the things she’s embarrassed about, the secrets about her no one else knows.

She doesn’t want to go through the terrifying process of doing that with someone new. She doesn’t want the last however-long-you-were-dating to feel like a waste.

Now, this might sting a bityou’re the only one who can heal the hurt because you’re the one that caused it. 

Yeah, she can move on and find someone else, but a part of her soul and a part of her heart will be left behind. And there will be a scar that covers it, making her a little more jaded, a little less open and a little more cynical.

She doesn’t want that. I would guess that you don’t want that.

And it doesn’t have to end that way.

She just needs you to show her that it can actually work. Once you do, she can drop all her defenses and come running back to you.

By winning her back, you prove to her that you really did listen, that you really do love her and that you really will love her from this point forward.

You must make her feel emotionally safe. Don’t you want to? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originally appeared at YourTango.


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