Anyone who has recently played Milton Bradley’s The Game of Life understands that the rules are a bit dated. Even the newer editions of the game fail to reflect the lives of young people in the 21st century. So here is a handy list of changes to make the classic board game a little more applicable to contemporary culture. Welcome to The Game of Life: Millenial Edition!
- You can no longer begin on the career path. You must go to college. Borrow $100,000, which you will never pay back.
- Count the number of cards in the career deck. Add that many ‘Unemployed’ cards. Unemployed players do not receive a salary card.
- If you are one of the unlucky ones to pull an Unemployed card, feel free to start over. Take another $100,000 loan and go back to college. Don’t worry, it’s not real money.
- Divide the numbers on all the salary cards by two, unless you are a doctor or a lawyer.
- Move the “Get Married” space toward the middle of the board. Add a “Get Divorced” space immediately after it.
- Multiply the cost of every house by five. You are not allowed to own any of them, unless you are a doctor or a lawyer.
- Replace the text of all spaces that say “Baby girl!” or “Baby boy!” with “Small pet!”
- Make every other space a “Life Crisis” space. If you land on one of these spaces, return your salary and career cards. Have another player shuffle and fan out the career deck. Choose a card at random. You may not keep any card that says anything other than “Unemployed.”
- Get rid of the retirement homes at the end of the game. Instead, create two spaces that say “Mooch off next generation.” and “Criticize next generation for their laziness and depravity.” Cycle between these two spaces until all but one player concedes.
- Remember to have fun!
image – The Game of Life