1. Gatorade – Be Like Mike
Set aside the gambling addiction and incendiary temper, and be taken back to the days when MJ was a role model for everyone everywhere. Sure, sugar water won’t help you be any better at basketball, but goddammit if it isn’t worth a try.
2. IKEA – Lamp
Spike Jonze tells you to stop being stupid. Cheer up and buy stuff already.
3. John West Salmon – Bear
This truly is the epitome of a feel-good commercial.
CGI animal acting like a human? Check.
Comical slapstick? Check.
Hilarious vest? Check.
Direct dick kick? Check.
This is the ad that paved the way for all others. You’re welcome Jack Link’s and Wheat Thins.
4. Ikea – Dining Room Table
I wish my roommate and I’s apartment looked like that. Wow, those two roommates sure are friendly…also very touch-
Ah. Got it. Touché Ikea.
5. Pepsi – Neighbors
“Listen, if you don’t have a Diet Pepsi…” What a hot bitch. But did you feel the rush of blood to your genitals when Danny joined the picture? Mmmm…Diet Pep- I mean Mmmm…threesomes.
6. KellogGs – It’s Gonna Be a Great Day
Just try to start your day angry after this little jingle. Doesn’t matter if you’re driving a tractor or a convertible, get yourself ready for the best fucking day ever. They even manage to casually plug “Product 19,” which I am pretty sure is codeword for a weaponized yeast used in the Gulf War.
7. McDonald’s – Für Elise
Okay, what’s up scumbag parents? This girl is 8, and you are sneering at her recital mistakes? She clearly doesn’t even want to be there, she only loves you because you buy her gigantic chocolate shakes and burgers the size of her head. God I am so mad I could just march right down to McDonalds…I mean your house and order a gigantic…I mean dick kick you.