Please know that you will make it through this moment. Everyone will tell you to take a deep breath, to look at the big picture, but I know that it’s impossible right now. I know that you want to scream at them, you want to ask them how a deep breath could stop the war in your head.
Because doesn’t everyone know that if breaths stopped bloodshed this world would be a better place?
You want to run away from your brain; you want it to stop. But maybe it feels right, like you deserve this kind of pain. You feel like you’re losing the battle with this monster inside of your head, and its painful and frustrating and exhausting.
I know how evil those voices in your head are. I know what they’re saying to you. I know it’s painful, and hard to grasp reality when lies are pervading your mind and absorbing into your memory.
I also know it’s not true.
Those voices are probably telling you right now that I don’t even know you, whispering into your grey matter that you’re the exception to my words.
But you’re not.
You are God’s child.
This is just the struggle that you must face in this lifetime. The same as physical defects or alcoholism, this anxiety and fear is your demon.
You are beautiful, you are capable, you are not destroying every relationship that you care about.
You are not a burden.
You are a light, and you have a gift that others cannot gain access to. You are empathetic, you feel strongly, you love loudly, and it is because of the way that you love and the way that you care that causes you to fear and worry. I know.
But I promise you that you will be okay. If He can hold the world, then He can surely hold this moment and the next and every moment after that. Sit through this. It will get better. The fog will lift and you will remember that you are human and you are doing okay in this life, good even. You will once again break free from the dusty catacombs in which your brain held you hostage, you will no longer cower in the corner of a long forgotten fear, you will be able to breathe again without feeling the burden of a thousand unnecessary weights on your legs.
Please just remember that you are not alone in your fight.
You will survive this.