An Open Letter To The Lover I Will Never Have

It hurts.

It hurts to see you happy with her. It hurts me like hell to see you laughing with her, capturing her smiles and looking her straight in her eyes. It hurts me to know that I was once that girl who made you smile. But you seem happier now, and it hurts me. It hurts me because you chose her over me. It hurts me, and it still hurts me to know that I will no longer have the chance you to tell you the truth.

That I love you.

I am your best friend but you are not just a best friend to me. I am the person who you immediately run into when you need someone, or something. But to me, you are more than that. You are more than just a friend who I’m willing to be with for at any time of the day. You are more than just a friend who I’m willing to be crazy with. You are more than just a friend who I want to spend all my bad nights with, who I want to travel with, who I want to drink coffee with every single day. You are more than all of the things you thought you are to me, because i love you.

And I never told you that. But I love you. And it hurts. It hurts to love you.

Because you can never love me back.

You can never love me back because you now have her. I will no longer be the person you will first talk to when you have a problem. I will no longer be the person you will spend your nights with. I will no longer be the person your parents will talk about over dinner. And the rest of your family will no longer think that I am your girlfriend because now you have your girlfriend, and I am just still your best friend. And I don’t know if I will still be.

Because as the days pass by, it seems like you have forgotten about me.

You have forgotten how we fight over the video games we play together. You have forgotten how we ran to chase the sunset. You have forgotten how it feels to be with me. You have forgotten me.

But I’ll be waiting.

Just in case she will hurt you, and leave you.

Please do know that I’m still here.

I will always be here. Waiting for you to come back to what used to be our home. I will keep my windows open, and doors unlocked. I will wait for you. Even if it hurts, I will still love you, and I will wait for you. Because even if I am just a best friend to you, to me you are my lover.

I just can’t have you.