I would like to start by saying I am truly sorry and I wish we never came to this point, but here we are. What am I sorry for? I am sorry that you lost your best friend, that your heart was broken, that you have been hurting.
I could not imagine the pain of losing him completely but from what I have seen from you, I hope I never have to go through that. The worst part of a break up is watching your best friend walk away and knowing that you have lost a love and a friendship at the same time. Heartbreak changes people in a way that can impact your entire future in several ways, if you allow it to. A loss of trust, a fear of abandonment, and long-term sadness while you learn to cope are perfectly normal and just about everyone experiences these feelings in some capacity during a breakup.
You, however, took these feelings to a deeper, darker, level that have gone beyond you and your ex boyfriend working things out, moving on, and learning to live without each other. You have allowed these feelings to transform your past, present, and future entirely until your life has been consumed entirely by hate. And for that, I am truly sorry but he is so much more than what you make him out to be in your negative retrospective now that you two are no longer together.
Deny it all you want but there was a time when this boy could make you laugh on your worst day and make your best days some of the most memorable. Now, he does this for me and goes above and beyond whenever he feels I need some extra attention because he has a good heart, which you try so terribly to forget about. Frankly, I’m over it and you need to be over it too.
Hating him for moving on is only hurting you but lashing out the way you have is hurting the three of us. When I first started dating him we should have been over-the-moon happy to finally be together, since there is a lot that happened before we started dating that you don’t know about.
We should have been able to enjoy being together but you did not want to see him happy with someone else and so you felt the need to lash out. The rumors and lies were hurtful but we chose as a couple to ignore them because we could see them for what they were, a cry for attention. If that had been the beginning and end, I would not be here writing.
Unfortunately, you have not let up since the first incident. Every once in awhile, or sometimes constantly if you are in a particularly cranky mood, you pop back up. Repeating these rumors to anyone who will listen and adapting on them until my boyfriend and I are completely evil.
We are not your enemies. We are not the villains. You are not our victim. Nothing we do in any way has anything to do with you because we are too busy enjoying each other’s company and making memories that will hopefully last the rest of our lives. I am sorry that your insecurity and sadness has helped your brain to twist these situations to where I am the one apparently hurting you.
Do you remember when I reached out to you in hopes of making peace? I was sincere. Do you remember when I told you I admired all the good I had heard about you? I heard it all from him. Do you remember when I told you I understood why you were so angry with him? He told me about the good and the bad days and when I heard about the bad, I could really understand you better. We had talked about him reaching out to you about the thing that hurt you most, but when he tried you were determined not to hear the words that could give you closure.
No, I won’t do this with you anymore. I fell in love with a boy whose smile has the power to destroy every negative thought in my head. I fell in love with a boy who helped me to overcome so many difficult things in my life before we even dated and has gone above and beyond since.
I fell in love with a boy who was my best friend, my rock, and feels like he could really be “the one” and nothing is going to change that. I will not feel guilty for defending myself and my relationship when it comes to you. Instead of trying to destroy my happiness, focus on finding your own.