I had no idea how to walk away from you. Yet I just did.
I knew this day would come. I’ve feared the day I needed to leave for so long, avoiding heartbreak as long as I could. But I couldn’t do it anymore. And now that I’m here, it’s easier than I expected. No drama, no tears, just numbness. And a hole in my heart where you used to be.
You see, baby, I couldn’t keep it up anymore. I could no longer pretend I didn’t really love you or that I didn’t really care. Because I did. I cared too much. I loved you so much more than I wanted to admit to myself.
I got blindsided by the love I had for you. It caught me by surprise. I didn’t expect to love you. I didn’t expect to fall in love with anyone. You became my unintended. But I wasn’t yours. And you were never mine.
The high hopes I had for the future, the expectations I had for us, never met eye-to-eye with what you wanted. You never shared my hopes, my dreams, my visions of our future together. So I ignored it. I thought you’d come around eventually, that you would grow tired of casual. That you would fall in love with me. But you didn’t.
I watched you dance with strangers. I watched you smile at girls I didn’t know. I pretended I didn’t see, but I did. All the time. Yet I feel oddly at peace imagining you with other women. I convinced myself they didn’t mean anything to you. I convinced myself you weren’t ready for me, when in truth you weren’t ready for anyone.
I knew I had lost you long before I told you I loved you. I lost you the moment you came close to me, when you unintentionally let the final piece of your guard down. I knew then you would leave me, because no one really comes close to you, do they? And when you realized your heart laid open, you shut down.
I wish I could stay here, but I can’t. I can no longer live on crumbs and leftovers. It’s no longer sustainable. I need love, I need care. I need promises you can’t keep. So I finally realized I needed to leave. Right here. Right now. So I did. This is me walking away.
Goodbye, my lover.