Have you ever been a server? No, but really, have you ever worked in a restaurant? If you love smiling at random people all day, being cut off before you can even spit out hi my name is…. and getting a void check every week, APPLY NOW!
If you have been a server, you feel my love hate relationship with the service industry. You have experienced firsthand the four worst tippers, you know the ones that made you steal toilet paper from work, I mean just kidding, I never did that….
These people have caused you to become a stereotyping connoisseur, it’s like you have somehow acquired this skill from your fellow servers and you all just know, you see them walking to the host stand and you feel it, you look at your section and back at the host stand yup that’s right you’re next in the rotation. You hope and pray that somehow the floor plan changed and it’s Stacy’s section because that bitch is a table hog and well, karma…. It never works like that though, you get that table but you wait because deep down you hope that
A. the menu is too expensive
B. they don’t like seafood, or
C. their screaming child falls into the bay.
None of this happens; instead you give the host a death stare and she mouths “sorry” because she knows too, we all know even our foreign Slovakian bus boys know. You stare at your table, briskly walk over to them, smile so big and let the torture begin.
1. The verbal tipper
This person will run you ragged, they will ask you for everything possible. You’ve repeatedly asked if you could get them anything else and they repeatedly say no. Of course you return to the table with their side of mayo and they ask you for more napkins and extra bread. This table praises you each time you return and you fucking know, it’s a verbal tipper. They ask for the check, of course they asked for everything in the restaurant why wouldn’t they ask for the check? You go back over and they hand you the money along with this famous line “you were the best server ever”! You already know what’s next, oh yes because compliments pay my bills.
2. The split check tipper
This person will cut you off as you’re explaining the blackened swordfish special to announce that they need split checks even though someone probably already asked. You fake smile and think horrible things about them as you proceed to head nod in agreement with their request. This person doesn’t understand the concept of using two credit cards and splitting the total, they need two separate checks. They interrupt you all night to remind you that their check has to be split. This person will leave you a $2 tip on $36 and think it’s okay.
3. The round of waters tipper
This person orders water for the entire 16 top, and emphasizes how thirsty they are. You know this tool has offered to pay the bill or has lost some kind of bet. They justify their actions by explaining that they’ve been out on their boat all day drinking in the sun. You try not to look disgusted and force a smile that probably looks like you’re constipated. You suggest the drink special anyways just because you know they weren’t out on a freaking boat and if they were well you just don’t care. You’re happy with a 15% tip from this person because well water come on, you didn’t get that way from drinking water.. STOP BEING CHEAP.
4. The gratuity is included? tipper
This person calls ahead to ask if parties of six or more have added gratuity. They will do anything to get out of included gratuity. They will even ask for their 8 top to be sat in two parties of four. You see that sign over there across the street, it’s Burger King go “ have it your way” over there. They don’t leave, they ask the price of EVERYTHING on the menu. This person wants to substitute their lemon garnish for scallops. They will complain and get a meal taken off the check. You and your manager hate this table. You drop the check and they ask about the 18% included gratuity, they claim whomever they spoke to on the phone assured them no gratuity was included. You and your manager still hate this table. Gratuity is taken off the check, you go cry in the bathroom and yeah perfect reason to steal another roll of toilet paper.