Is it weird that I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, but in ratio to my existence so far, you’ve only been there for a second and it’s all already over?
I knew that the hardest thing I’d ever go through was walking away still wanting and loving you, and yet I still did it. I don’t regret loving you, and I don’t regret showing the authenticity that lies on the surface and beneath my skin. I don’t regret the late night calls talking about our issues and about the astronomical and atheist reasonings of life. But just because things ended, why does our friendship have to change? It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around you. I want you to take your time to grow, but can I grow up next to you? Why do we have to be strangers?
Love has no time limit and no time stamp, but why am I still trying to figure out whether or not I loved you too quickly? They say that what’s real isn’t perfect, and you’re the most real, imperfect person I know. Ideally, I want us to continue to be friends. I want to continue to point out every time your voice cracks when you’re whispering on the phone to me so you don’t get caught talking too loud at 3 o’clock in the morning. I know realistically that you and I will never happen again, that I won’t have 2 a.m. conversations with you and I won’t hear you laugh at our inside jokes.
Why was it over so soon? How was it over so soon? I’m holding back on holding you because I’m afraid. I have doubts. Keep my heart or deny it, it’s yours to decide, but am I doubting you or am I doubting my ability to carry on being the person you want me to be? I know you’re trying to forget and leave, but I’m still sitting here thinking about being in your presence. I’m still thinking about whether I could have done more or less or if I could have spoken to you earlier before things ended.
Our relationship may have come to a stop, but I still meant everything I said to you. I believed in us, but then why are we where we are now?