Let me start by saying I don’t believe we have just one person for us. But I do believe that we find one person who fills something no one else could. This is a love letter to anyone who walked away from that person, not because they didn’t love them anymore, but because for the first time in a long time (maybe ever), they had no other choice but to pick themselves.
I know that sounds ridiculous. Why on earth would you break up with that person? Why on earth would you walk away from something so few people fully experience? What I had was a love so profound it felt invincible. But when I really looked hard in the mirror, I realized that it was only invincible for one of us. That I had been sacrificing myself for a man who was indeed The One but failed to protect me on the other end.
He was my first love, my first experience of anything real. And damn, we loved each other. For the five (nearly six) years we were together, I felt like I simultaneously touched the bottom of the ocean and the moon all in one go. This was it! But no relationship is perfect, and this was no exception, despite our feelings. Call it immaturity, call it silly mistakes—my heart got broken too many times to count in the three final years of our love. Where I stood steadfast, he would sink. Where I weathered the storms, he ran and took shelter elsewhere. But I stayed. I fought. He was worth it.
The problem was, my strength slowly began to chip away. I began to lose trust. And by the time he was ready, nearly down on one knee, I was empty. And no one prepares you for that. No one prepares you for this choice. The choice where you look at the person you love most in the eyes, the person you built a home in, and realize that you can’t stay there anymore. That it’s not safe anymore. No one prepares you to have to choose yourself over someone you couldn’t dream of living without. They don’t teach you that in the movies. Either you’re in love and it works or you’re not and it doesn’t. Nobody tells you stories of being madly in love, yet knowing your peace within them is gone.
And so you leave. You think the clouds will part, the sun will shine, and you will realize that this was the best decision you could have ever made for yourself. You picture yourself walking off like Truman Burbank walked off that set at the end of the movie, with hope, promise, and strength. But the reality is, the clouds don’t part right away. And loving yourself is an uphill daily reminder. Sometimes the days are filled with doubt and regret for letting yourself be free. There’s a guilt from letting go of something you truly loved but couldn’t hold anymore because it was just too heavy now.
So, this is a love letter to all the souls out there who let go of something, someone that meant the world to them, in hopes that the universe would treat them better, show them the stars they couldn’t see in their storms. Your daily reminder to choose to love yourself, no matter how hard, is already better than what you had. Keep choosing the better version of yourself and know that you did make the right decision. You walked off the set that you couldn’t hold anymore.
So, as Truman would say, “In case I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.”