There comes a time in every woman’s life when she finds herself blissfully boyfriend-less. During this era, aforementioned lady may not even have a Saturday night makeout session or 7th-grade-style soda date.
Indeed, sometimes she’s bereft of even a wink from across the room. Not even an errant text from an ex or cat call from the construction site. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes. There’s. Just. Nothing. Which is why it’s imperative to have an arsenal of testosterone at your disposal. A stash to whip out like an emergency bag of chocolate when you decide that sugar-free diet is ridiculous.
Yes, of course, reader: the lady we speak of doesn’t need any man. But let’s just say these four are nice to have (and she’d be wise to keep them around).
1. The Platonic Male Friend With No Sexual Tension
While you logically know he has a penis, frankly, you’d rather not think about it. Here’s hoping he feels the same way about you. If so? Then this is a dose of testosterone so simple and loyal that nothing (new girlfriend being the exception) will tarnish it.
Most importantly, PMFWNST can strip away man-talk and feed you the truth in bite-sized nuggets of “He’s So Full Of Crap” wisdom. Without an ounce of ulterior motives. He’s like a brother from another mother.
2. The Platonic Male Friend With Sexual Tension
You logically know this guy has a penis and you love to think about it—but not act on it. Good. Don’t.
For some reason you two have never reached that Point Of No Return and the longer you wait, the more you realize it isn’t such a swell idea. (Stay away from the booze.) But that doesn’t mean you can’t fit in some thinly veiled compliments and relish in his faux-jealousy when you complain about jerks. It’s like a cheap (but oh so delicious) burger from the dollar menu at McDonald’s. Harmless in small doses.
3. The Gay Friend
This one is so self-explanatory it borders on cliche. What are we saying—it is a cliche, but dry spells and gay friends go together like champagne and strawberries. Nobody is better to pop bon bons and lament the evils of men while watching reruns of Sex and the City and grimacing at Ridiculous Carrie Bradshaw Outfit #568.
Gay guys are still guys, too. Same mindset, just sub Sorority Girls In Hot Tub with Muscle Boys In Frat House. You get the idea, and thankfully that aggression will never be directed toward you.
4. The Out Of Town Flirt Buddy
Maybe you met him on a business trip, or he’s an old pal from college you keep up with via Facebook. It doesn’t matter, really, that all you have have is a childish crush coupled with, oh, a good 5-hour plane ride between the two of you. So, yeah, little chance of it ever getting consummated (or screwed up!). But never underestimate the power of a good 20-minute IM chat when your sexual self-esteem is gasping for air.
Sometimes it’s just the emergency mouth-to-mouth you needed to get to dating. Minus the actual mouth, of course.