There is something that I call the Brick wall. It is an emotion that feels so real that it takes on a physical characteristic. It feels like a real brick wall. When you are walking down the street and you come into contact with a solid wall you have to stop moving. You get this anxious, sick feeling in your stomach. With this object in your way you panic and you feel as if you are short of breath. It’s an obstacle, you can’t keep moving forward without going around the wall. This obstacle can be anything in your life.
The brick wall can be a job that you hate, a toxic friendship, or a life goal you can’t seem to reach. The wall is sly, it enters your life very unexpectedly. One day you are going about your daily routine and boom, it hits you. The brick wall hits you right in the face. You realize that you can’t move on without removing the wall from your path. How do you remove the wall, what do you have to do so you can be happy again? The wall hits you when you have no more strength or will to go on with what you are doing. But you must find the strength to remove the wall.
My brick wall was a six year relationship with my first love.
We started dating in high school. I met him and right away I fell head over heels. We both went to the same college and over time we were inseparable. We became too comfortable and we relied on each other too much. I thought I was in love. This was the beginning of the end.
Being comfortable has its perks but it mainly means you don’t care as much anymore. The last year of our relationship was a roller coaster. He started going out more with his friends, they were all single while he was the only one with a girlfriend. On New Year’s Eve he danced on the bar with another girl right in front of me. He would stay out late every weekend and I wouldn’t hear from him until Monday. On Valentine’s Day instead of spending the night with me he went out to the bar with his single friends. I turned the other cheek every time and I figured that because he loved me that I was supposed to deal with his flaws.
Then one day I hit the wall.
We had lunch plans. Things had been crazy with school and we both needed a quiet afternoon to catch up. We had plans to meet at noon. I called him before I left my house, no answer. I left for the restaurant. In the car I called him, no answer. I parked my car and sat outside to call him again, no answer. I waited outside until 1 o’clock, he never showed so I went home.
Finally at two in the afternoon I received a call. It was him. “Hey baby I’m sorry, I went out the night before with the guys. I just woke up. Let me take a shower and get ready and I will come pick you up.” I was about to answer when it hit me, the wall. It hit me so hard that I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I knew right then and there that I wasn’t going to be able to move on with my life if I stayed in this relationship. The weight of the wall would remain on my shoulders if I didn’t take charge and make a change.
So I took control of my life and I moved around the wall. “Sorry but we aren’t going to have lunch today. Actually we are never going to have lunch again because it’s over.” He was speechless. He told me that I couldn’t do that and he would make it up to me. I told him not to bother and goodbye. He tried countless times to win me back but it didn’t work. Once you hit the wall there is no going back.
This metaphorical brick wall gave me a chance. It gave me the courage to make one of the best decisions I have ever made. The wall can show up when you least expect it, but realizing its potential can be giving yourself the greatest gift. Without it blocking my path I would have kept walking.