I’m Not Ready For A Relationship Right Now, But One Day I Will Be

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never done the whole relationship thing.

I’ve always been the girl who prefers to “play the field” and avoid commitment to one person. I look at my non-single friends with both awe and admiration. So you’re telling me… you two have remained together for a whole year? And you’ve never gotten bored of each other? Never cheated on each other? Not even once?!

Sometimes I imagine it would feel nice to be with one person, that one person who’d serve as a constant in my fast-paced and ever-changing life. That person who’d stand by my side on my best and worst days, who’d laugh at my dumb jokes, that person to always come home to. But then I remember I have had that… it just wasn’t a full-fledged, exclusive relationship. And that’s never bothered me. I set the rules and had the freedom to speak to whomever I pleased. I never had to worry about growing bored of the one I was seeing.

But with this said… There must be a reason I cry each time I watch a Nicholas Sparks movie. A reason I’m drawn to old-school romance novels in which the man sweeps the woman off her feet. A reason that whenever I meet an elderly couple I insist on hearing the full tale of how they met.

Because I know, buried under the complex layers of my apathetic yet dynamic self, there’s a part of me that longs to give and receive love.

A part of me that, although may not have fully surfaced yet, is capable of connecting with another soul and creating an emotionally charged relationship.

Because when I imagine myself in fifteen years, I don’t see myself scrolling through my never-ending list of contacts contemplating which man to invite to spend the night. I envision myself living in a warm house with two dogs and husband, and eventually children.

Maybe I’m just not ready to unveil that side of me yet.

I’m still young and have much to learn about the world along with myself. But when I find that man who uncovers the girl inside of me who’s ready to love unconditionally, I won’t stifle her. I’ll embrace her and welcome her with open arms. Because even though we haven’t interacted for much of my life, she is me. And I’m excited for her to make her appearance.