“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” – Charles Dickens
“The lesson will always repeat itself, unless you see yourself as the problem–not others.” – Shannon Adler
Most of us delight in helping others. We hold the door for someone coming up behind us, we lend an ear to a friend who is releasing stress, we give freely to someone else in need.
There is a time, though, when your “help” becomes toxic to others and to yourself.
When you are trying to help someone and you become frustrated if they don’t accept your help, it’s a glaring indicator that what you really need to do is help yourself.
Remember: you cannot serve from an empty vessel.
You cannot truly help anyone else unless you have helped yourself first.
If you are trying to help someone with something you haven’t addressed in your own life, your advice could very well be toxic — not only to the person you are trying to help, but to yourself. You could be digging both of you into a deeper hole, rather than getting out.
Whenever you find yourself becoming angry that someone won’t accept your help your help or take your advice in a certain area, it’s time to take notice. Look at that specific area in your own life and get SUPER real with yourself. I promise two things: it will be hard, and it will be worth it.
What is going on that part of your own life?
What do you wish was different about it?
What can you do to change it?
Don’t spend time lamenting or complaining. Or pretending you are a victim and have no control. Because that is the absolute furthest thing from the truth — no matter what the situation is. As my mother has told me for as long as I can remember: you always have options. Find them. Seek them out. What you seek is what you’ll find.
The best part is, once you take that deep look at that part of your life, once you engage with it, and you accept it for what it is, you can begin to transform or evolve it. Then, and only then, can you truly help others – which is what you enjoy. And now, your help will be transformative for all.